Monday, December 15, 2008

About A Box of Doughnuts and a Prayer

Photo: Google Images

On this same date last year, as I was serving as a coordinator for Sir Ariel (and as a house guest for Academic Services, I received this surprise; a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts from somebody who remained unnamed.






A year has passed and the only thing left for me is this:the little note from that gift with my name and department on it. Upon hearing about the unexpected surprise, my mom was suspecting it came from my ex since the nearest branch and only branch of Krispy Kreme was in Serendra in Taguig. The thing is on that same day just after lunch, my ex came to the office but of course I didn't interrogate him about the thing. See the penmanship and be the judge.



On the other hand, while reading my books, I found this wonderful couples prayer:


A Prayer for Couples
by Marianne Williamson

Dear God,
Please make our relationship a great and holy adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.
Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us not forget..
Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.
May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our World.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we have repaired.
May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.
Thank you, dear God,
You who are the cement between us.
Thank you for this love.
Amen.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Almost One Day To Go

Today is already November 4th by default. 4:07 pm as of this writing, less than 24 hours before my 24th birthday (which is tomorrow! Argh!!!)

Yet, though I wanted to take time off, I simply can’t — yet. I’m battling with my emails, working on emergency assignments again after leaving my email inbox unchecked for almost a week. But I can say I can breathe normally again now. I’ve made the assignments and turned it over to the managing ed.

I just hope things will work.

Okay, so I’ve been dreading tomorrow. I’ll be 24 and it scares the hell out of me. I actually start to feel that I’m getting older — inch by inch, day by day. And as I come close to a wish list that I made two years ago when I was 22, I looked at it to see if anything changed. The list actually contain shallow musings like:

-Get a steady pitch of a job;
-Going to Baguio and staying for a week;
-Becoming a published writer before reaching 30;
-Seeing my name on the newspaper;
-Riding a plane;
-Getting a portrait;

but it also contained serious thoughts. And I never imagined I could write them at 22 and still be serious about it till now:

-Get married and have kids;
-Write a book;
-Go to Disneyland probably (and I got to call it serous).

And as I ponder by these wishes, I went to think, most of them came to me early more importantly that dream of becoming a published writer before reaching 30. I was 21 when I first got into corporate writing but the thought of fulfilling the dream just dawned on me two years after. While dream number 2 of being written in a newspaper happened while I was in Baguio (getting my other utmost dream while competing) when I was 20.

Now, I realized, I set aside the dream of going to Disneyland which was formerly the first in my list. In exchange to serious wishes like a career, my writing as well as getting married to a wonderful man and having children. Things that I never thought I’ll take into consideration seriously for I was a marriage skeptic before; having fears on the what ifs which in time faded and disappeared eventually. And I’m happy I got to overcome my marriage-skepticism that at 23, I realized, I also have the right to get married and in my own way, be the best future wife-slash-mom the way that I wanted. I’ve always been the same person who longs for the simple and not elegant things. I only pray for the same stuff — safety and blessings for my family, continuous assignments for my writing career, a good career and a stable relationship with my beau.

For now, just like the nights before, I am praying for a nice surprise that God would give me for tomorrow’s big day.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Who Say’s There is No Internet in Heaven

October 17, 2008 10:45 am

Last weekend as I was watching a program on TV, what caught my attention was about a man named Roy dela Cruz who writes a blog dedicated to his departed wife Niña. With the phrase, maybe there’s an internet in heaven he hopes that his words would be read by his wife.

His situation reminds me about two stories featured in the book, A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul of a father named Wayne Furrow who wrote a letter for his deceased daughter Jenny hoping for the same thing; that it will be read in heaven. The following was the content of Wayne Furrow’s letter:

Hi sweetheart. Christmas won’t be the same without you this year, but we will try to cope with the many memories of our 19 years spent with you. All I want for Christmas is to have you back with us, but knowing that is impossible I will settle for a letter to you: God will hopefully hand-deliver it in time for the holiday.
I missed having you being here to help me with my Christmas shopping. You always had a sense of what your mom liked. I managed okay, I think you were probably helping me. Your mom will love the gift you sent her from Heaven! Sarah too!Your mom has done a lot of baking this week; uncooked cake, date squares, etc. Surprised, eh!
Our traditional Christmas get-together will be at your Uncle Steve’s place this year. We don’t know how we will handle it, but will cross the bridge when we come to it.Sarah is doing okay, still dating Brian (which has really helped her). We know she misses you mostly at nights, when you two would do so much talking. She misses her big sister’s advice and odd spat.
I have to go to the cemetery tomorrow and shovel 3 ½ feet of snow, in case some of the family want to visit your grave site. We decorated the poles, hung a white and red bird and a few bells for you to hear when the wind blows. It really looks nice. We know Patrick misses you, and you him. Sorry I wasn’t more supportive of your relationship; that will bother me until I can apologize in person.
I’m sorry you never get to experience the Internet, Jenny. You would have loved it! I have met some wonderful people online, families that have also lost children. They have helped me tremendously in coping with your death. Most times, other than your mom, it has been my only release. Losing one’s child is the most pain a parent can experience, and being able to correspond with others in the same situation is surely a blessing. Jennifer, we will miss you always. We will never stop loving you or ever forget you.

And like a chain, the said letter was picked up by people over the web. A few days came this surprising response:
Dad,
I did get to experience the Internet and you’re right – I love it. I don’t think it’s the same Net you are on though. I travel the universe – no downtime, flames, smears, nothing like that at all.
I am with you Christmas morning. Actually, I’m with you every morning. Haven’t you felt my presence? Heard my voice? Seen me in a thousand different places. I can do that for a while but eventually I will have to spend more and more of my time spreading around the things you taught me: love, caring giving, loyalty. I can’t say that I miss you because where I am there are no feelings that are sad. Honestly! Not ever! I do know when you think of me and I am happy. Did you know that I can view my whole life with you and Sarah and Mom in just a few seconds! Can you imagine?
I have so many other people here that are the greatest. Someday you’ll find out for yourself. Just remember this Daddy, I‘m never sad. I have a feeling that someday this great feeling will be even greater. That’s because you’ll be with me. Don’t be in a rush though. There are a lot of neat things that you can do down there that I can’t do up here, like, love Mom a lot.
Love, Jennifer.

And as I left a message to Roy, I told him of this story with the hope that this could also happen to him one day. And just like a child’s question if there really is Santa Claus, the answer to the question whether there is an internet in heaven is the same. I believe there really is. Just much better than here.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Words I Left Unsaid

These two poems they describe what I feel about my relationship; my rocky road world that might crumble apart and I don't know how to save it.



Tonight I decided to take
One last look at you
And I can’t help but grieve
Despite that you’re still here.
Silent tears
For the five long years
In place of the words
I still wished to say
To you
But I know
That I can no longer
Take a moment to do
For your ears
You’ve sealed away
In silence
And your mind
You decided to shut
From all my reasons.

And how do I say goodbye
To someone I loved
And appreciated
In silence?

I guess
I should know
There’s no right way
To say goodbye
For the good times
And things you used to do
They will all remain in me
Treasured and like a shadow
Following and haunting me
For each and everyday
That I shall live.


Shattered

Break my heart
The way you want to do it
Tell me no lie
And just simply end it.

Take everything with you
But leave my heart just broken
Let me fix it on my own
And make it whole again.

Leave me now rather than pretend
Things are just fine
When all we know it will just end.

I have felt it enough
To leave and let go is hard
But I’ve tried my best and soon enough
I felt that I can’t laugh.

I’ve accepted the blame
And even the pain
Despite at times I feel
I’m being stupid and lame.

For long I tried to keep them all
Both the good and bad inside my soul
To the point that I have gone so low
On the hope that you won’t ever go.

And though I know
What I feel is still love
Things have changed
To you my beloved.

And though right now I am still hurting
I know I’ll soon be fine
Break my heart for real
It will heal in time.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

On Pablo Neruda's Poem on Forgetting a Romance

I found these words from a Cosmo thread on Cosmopolitan that I started. A lot of people have responded and I found these words from Pablo Neruda striking me. A poem about forgetting a romance. It quite hurts like ouch! But as much as I could I try not to be so bothered by the words. I know it's still up to two people how to make a relationship work.

Read on.


IF YOU FORGET ME
by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Things Are Somewhat Unresolved

11:20 pm September 3, 2008

Anywhere now, there are almost a lot of things left unresolved. Issues still hanging and waiting for decisions and truths waiting to be revealed.

Waiting for the conclusion of unresolved matters is one painstaking matter. Living on the thought day by day is indeed hard. Letting go of some decisions are not that easy especially if you’ve been enjoying the best part of it.

It’s been almost a month since I learned about the tragic story of Atenean and band vocalist Tara Santelices who was shot during a hold up incident in Cainta Rizal last August 6, the day of her 23rd birthday. Today, she lay in a hospital bed in the state of a coma since the incident. Her image today was very much different from that of her graduation photo. I’ve followed her story by the blogs and bulletins of my friends as well as my boyfriend who had an opportunity to be with her in one event and through write-ups about her on the internet. And almost a month after since the incident, the criminals responsible of the crime are at large and free while their victim though breathing is unconscious still fighting and holding on for dear life.

Sometimes though I might sound cruel, I can’t help but say why can’t those criminals be the one to die instead? I have high regards to my faith that it sounds rude to speak ill against other people but then, with what those people do against someone, for sure others would say the same thing, at least once. And I know it’s hard for people close to her to see her that way. That the once bubbly and lively 23-year old suddenly had a different twist if fate. While the criminals roam free despite hiding from authorities while Tara and her family live in uncertainty.

On the other hand, I also have my own batch of unresolved things. It has been a week since I resigned from work and right now, I am dealing with the aftermath of it. I had to endure the feeling of a different morning after, the longing for the sight of my space, the voice of the people that I worked with, the presence of the person on the other side of the wall who I used to call Darling Teacher and the company of my students. It was indeed a hard feeling for me that I decided to leave. But I know that I just had to in exchange for a better opportunity both career wise and financially. I know this unresolved feeling is because of holding on to the experience that I can’t easily let go and I hope to get over it. And I also hope for a better job in the near future.


UPDATE: Just this morning before I posted this entry, I learned through Q TV's Balitanghali that a witness had surfaced to give a testimony during the shooting incident of Tara Santelices. The witness also described the person responsible for shooting Tara. On the other hand, although Tara is still fighting for dear life but showing some good signs possible for recovery.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A Good Deed Before the Night Ends

In the seven months that I taught as an ESL teacher, I don't remember an instance that I was singing any song to my students. But last night was absolutely different. After posting a Tagalog shout out on my Skype account (Ngayon ako ay bumili ng bagong payong), I found myself talking to my student Eric about his favorite Tagalog song which happens to be Freddie Aguilar's Anak. And to my surprise and happiness I found myself singing some parts of the song to him.

Lest, one of the wonderful things that happened last night was doing a good deed before the day ended. While sharing a night snack of nuggets, fries and float at Mc. Donald's my friend Ella and I found ourselves asking the help of a lady crew to run after a customer who forgot his phone.

The owner was kind enough to meet us and thank us. The man was a Pinoy balik-bayan from Sydney Australia who said he often forgets his things in different places. Well, whatever it was, it felt so good to have done something good at the end of the day.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sometimes I Know I Slept Well

I was supposed to blog this up days ago but since my class right now is starting to get boring, I just decided to open up my blog and put this one in.

So this is another weird dream that went on to travel to my mind while I was in a deep slumber. I dreamt that I came to the office to find my cubicle ramsacked; my table was ruined and the head teacher transfered me to a new place while my cube was being repaired. And the other thing, Teacher Mel was no longer the guy next wall but instead, it was Teacher Randy.

One more strange thing, I found these two other girls in the bathroom with the same bag that I have.

It's kinda weird and I don't know what it means. Not just yet.

Friday, July 18, 2008

This Is How They Think Of Me---and My Jobs

People think the writing profession is all about the world of glamour and fame. Actually yes it is somewhat true but then I view it in a different way. In a different analogy. 

I never thought of being a teacher since I decided to embrace the writing vocation. I’ve been used to the scribbling life for seven years and teaching was actually another way for me to impart what I’ve learned but what’s greater in my heart is still my passion for creating by writing.

So yesterday night as I ended my last class, a fellow teacher Randy called me up to another co-teacher’s (Teacher Mel’s) cube (which was actually just at the back of my space). Apparently, Randy said they heard me while I was talking to one of my students Dorothy and from that conversation, Mel learned that I was also a writer (I don’t mind anyone hearing my convos of introduction to my students including Mel since I don’t talk to him too much). I don’t know what I am going to feel when he told me through Randy that I have nice credentials to be a teacher—since I was a writer.

Frankly, I felt a bit good after hearing that but I still did not believe it for real for it could just be a form of flattery. What I know is I am a writer. I am supposed to write and not to teach. I don’t need to talk because as a writer, it’s my mind does the talking. Writers teach by writing. It’s actually better since I am able to express my ideas even if I don’t have to talk. Just like a SWAT agent, I could be silent but in my silence I am a sharp shooter in communicating my ideas.

Monday, July 7, 2008

From Dashing Out to Dreaming Of

I guess this is the price that I have to pay for being deadma to a co-worker. Seems like I'm being punished for my behavior towards the person in a different way.

Friday night I can vividly remember seeing that coworker in my dream. In that one, I woke up in the morning to see the person in the usual red shirt standing in the dining room. And my behavior was in anyway not different. I still ignored him the same way that I do whenever I would see that person in the office.
Yes, that coworker was the reason why I became a mad dasher. Mad dasher because the person makes me run away (though I cannot run) at the sight of that human being.
Still, I don't have the enough guts to speak up with that coworker. But I don't feel anything towards him. FYI.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Of Insomnia and Raging Hormones

Raining in the afternoon, I arrived so early for work to the surprise of my co-teachers and the headmaster. I actually did not think that I will be early for work today. I left the house at 3:30 in the afternoon to drop by the drug store downtown to buy some sleeping tablets and food to bring to work. 

I had another episode of insomnia again last night. I tried sleeping off but my body is acting crazily that I was not able to sleep the whole day and right now as I type this blog, my eyes are starting to get watery and itchy and I'm yawning too.

Add up is my monthly period and these revengeful hormones that actually don't cooperate to my schedule. I went to the restroom a few minutes after dinner to throw up, it's something that happens to me when this time of the month arrives. Sure they are all giving me a hard time that I feel like going home now instead to take the pill, lie down and rest.

While I feel the discomforts of loosing sleep and the effects of my period, I am looking forward to a well-deserved rest. It really is hard to be a woman and I hope this will pass.

And I hope for a restful sleep.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Start of Something Big

So this is one of the wonders of the Internet. Just yesterday, while browsing on my website, I found one comment in my post about the magazine. To my surprise, it was the publisher of the book that I made a book review last year for T&D Highlights. They chanced upon my blog and they are interested to see the book review that I made about Bob Ong. 

I was really shivering upon reading their comment. They chanced upon my blog; people spends a few minutes of their time to read my thoughts. My thoughts makes sense in some ways.

It makes me happy that there are some people who finds my ideas interesting and worthy. I still can't believe that this kind of thing happened. Of course, I am happy teary eyed even knowing that my efforts and hard work in both writing and spilling out my thoughts through blogging is reaping some sweet fruits.

Deep inside, I'm starting to realize that this love for the vocation that I have is one of the sweetest things. I'm so cozy with it and I love it so well.

Just thinking that this could be the start of making it big makes my goosebumps rise and leave me squealing in giddy delight.

From a blog to making it big. I could be the next star! Ha...ha... So how does that sound?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Dream Number 4

This was supposed to be written yesterday but I was absolutely busy and besides my photographic memory is still vivid to postpone writing for another day.

So this is another dream. Lately, I've been jotting down dreams and slumber-related stuff and hoping to figure out what those things mean. And just a night ago, this one happened.

Stormy days are here again and in my dream, I met my doctor who I saw some six months ago. The dream implied about me getting some vaccines from my doctor. I remember being told about getting two essential vaccines that I need to combat flu and asthma attacks dung the rainy days but up to now, I didn't tried getting one.

And these months have been showing some rainy days and I'm afraid in some ways since the rainy days is one of my enemies.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

On Marrying Young

My brother's friend Donn got married to his girl Mayette last Saturday. The groom's just the same age as my brother yet there are times that I still find it disappointing to hear people getting married at a young age. That those young people should finish their school obligations first before tying the knot.
I don't know but I can't say I am used to hear things like that. Even if it my own family, some of my cousins decided to marry at a young age currently, the only unattached member of the family is just me and my brother, I still find it difficult to believe that the ones who were playing bahay-bahayan back then are now about to begin the game for real.

This morning, my brother being their wedding photographer gave me a copy of the wedding give away which was a CD compilation. And listening to the CD, I found this song of Steven Curtis Chapman nice and I consider fit for the young newlyweds.




I'll Take Care of You
Steven Curtis Chapman

I'll take care of you

Don't be sad, don't be blue
I'll never break your heart in two
I'll take care of you
I'll kiss your tears away
I'll end your lonely days
All that I'm really tryin' to say
Is I'll take care of you

I want you to know that I love you so
I'm proud to tell the world you're mine
I said it before, I'll say it once more
You'll be in my heart 'til the end of time

I'll take care of you
Don't be sad, don't be blue
Just count on me your whole life through
'Cause I'll take care of you


Getting married meant starting a new life not as two other individuals but as one. Not as I but as WE. Not as he or she but us; not as mine but as ours. And like other newly wed couples, I wish them a blissful married life.

Monday, June 9, 2008

PMS, Popcorn and Paranoia Moments

I am blogging in my cube waiting for the 6:30 pm slot to begin my first class.My student for 6pm has been on hold for a week and I suppose he will have a new teacher by the time he returns to study.

I'm munching on Kettle Korn popcorn while writing this blog hoping to ease my nauseous state. It's so hard every time this "time of the month" arrives. And I am often in agony after (I suppose it's not appropriate to call it PMS since mine comes after.

And last night, for the longest time, I found myself on a crying spell at 2am. For the longest time after such things like my break up, Ariel's sudden departure from the organization and hearing nasty comments thrown against me by my shitty officemates, I tried to hold back my tears and stand strong-- for as long as I could.

But I guess, I had enough and I found myself needing to have a good cry. Yeah it was hard to keep things when I could no longer hold it inside. And few times before, I found myself texting my ex bf the words HELP ME! I don't know but in my head, I know I needed someone to talk to and also I wanted to know the real score between us. After all, we never broke up formally thus I wanted to set things straight; even though my mind is completely in a shaken state.

I hope I could pass through all these in time.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thoughts On Regained Leadership

Two days now since I learned that MERALCO's leadership was not changed. I had been seriously watching and observing the developments on their leadership issue even if I am at work; reading through the newspaper, watching morning news and even asking people I know both in and out of MERALCO.
Of course, I have the right to know what has been happening about the company. For two years I have been working as a consultant with the said industry and I have been taking my job with them seriously. Yes, my family is one of the millions of customers availing the service of MERALCO and I also complain sometimes about our electric bill but I don't have any angst against the leadership of Mr. Manuel Lopez. I may not have had met him, but with my experience working for them as a resident consultant, I am in the same way as other employees happy in working with them.
And I am not welcoming the possibility of a government to a private entity that is being led by a business- oriented family. For 105 years it's the Lopezes that owned, ruled and maintained the company and being taken by a government entity is such an idiot's idea after all, in this country, what the government knows is not business but JUST PLAIN USELESS POLITICS AND CORRUPTION. To honestly say it, bilang sa daliri ang matitinong pulitiko sa Pilipinas and if they will take over a private entity, it will just crumble ito pieces of bankruptcy because of these crocodile politicians and government employees na luklukan sa pagkagahaman sa pera.
And if that's going to happen, I have decided that I'm going to leave. But for now, since the CEO is still my boss, I'm a bit at ease. I just hope the issue will clear up.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Shock Truth Factor

The past week was filled with shocking events. Despite of having a long weekend, I suppose, it was destined to happen in order for me to know some things when I just wasn't expecting to hear them.


Monday was my schedule to visit Antipolo to see the MMLDC people and to file my SOA for the magazine. Of course, aside from seeing the office and the "hotties" there are these new things. Roanne the former OJT is the new member of the gang and there's the messy halls and rooms anticipating to move to a new location within the vicinity.


But what rocked my world was Rye's revelation upon my questioning of why May 9 was their non-working holiday. It turned out that the date was set aside as a despedida. What shocked me more was the next words that Rye said:


"Last day na ni A. Magreresign na dahil papasok sa seminaryo. Nakapasa siya sa exam. Out of the 40 participants, 11 lang silang nakapasa."


It made me feel indifferent all of a sudden; like something cold was poured over my body. The same way I felt three years ago when a friend told me that he's going to get married just happened again.

I'm not against his wish of going through a very good endeavor. It's just that the idea simply can't sink in to my head as of now. Maybe in a few days or so. To think that I have known him for quite a long time as my former professor and eventually my boss, I can't imagne seeing him as a priest. I'd feel like crying actually everytime the thought gushes in my head.


Rye said A has a girlfriend and we're both wondering how he's going to break the news. For sure, it's also going to be shocking for the girl's part. I said to Rye, I should know.

I've been through that kind of scenario when my first boyfriend N told me of his plans to become a priest. It didn't hurt too much actually. Maybe because we were still young then -- we were both 12, we never cared about the world too much and I suppose because I have been affirmative of what he really wanted that was why it became too easy for me to let him go. Only to find myself accidentally meeting N again after not seeing each other for ten years -- with a college degree and not inside the seminary nor has he become a priest when all the while I have thought that he's still a seminarian.


A is now 32 and becoming a priest takes 7 years. I'm 23 now and maybe by then, 7 years after when I'm already 30, he will be the one to officiate my wedding or my child's baptism.


Now enough of this story. My goosebumps are starting to rise again.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Mad About The Mag

Saturday weekend. The past week was full of jumbles, surprises and happy things. It was yesterday too when I realized the amateur photographer in me. Yipee! A new career. And as I was toying with my brother's Canon 300D camera and the past issues of T&D Highlights (the mag where I have been writing for two years) scattered over my bed, the though came into my head, why not give each one a solo shot--just like documenting my two-year "love affair" with the magazine.

So after one hour sweating out and struggling for the best angles, these are what came out of my first shot as an amateur. I know I'm not that good at it yet and I still need my brother's help in befriending his camera so I apologize for the not-so nice shots.

2006: STARTING ANEW WITHOUT THE RESIDUE

 
So this was the first issue when I debuted writing for them in 2006. Fresh from graduating in college and resigning from my job as an editorial assistant, I was invited by my former professor Sir Ariel Vidanes who was working for MMLDC Foundation Inc to write for their HR magazine and I welcomed the idea well. To the point that I have been too immersed in it for two years now. And for that first assignment, I wrote a sidebar article about online school operations. It was followed by the next issue which featured a fast-growing industry as well as the Corporate Social Responsibility theme in the 3rd issue. Sadly I needed to say bye-bye for the meantime to attend to other job-related matters. I wrote for 3 issues for that year.
2007: THE RESIDENT WRITER'S COMEBACK!

After some failed attempts in the BPO world, Sir Ariel asked if I want to be a project based-transcriptionist for one of their projects and again I said YES. And together with the transcribing job, I also asked if the idea to write for the mag is still welcomed to which he gave a positive reply. So in the first quarter of 2007, I started rolling my ideas in.



In line with the upcoming elections in May, the company released the issue on Responsible Citizenship. It's one of my favorite issues ever because...



I got to write a full-page book review about the books of author Bob Ong!It was the first time I got to consume a page of the magazine for my article and it was the sign that I was waiting. That this is going to continue! The start or big projects and making it big time! Weeks after the release of this issue, Sir Ariel handed me a faxed mail from a happy client who was asking for additional copies to be sent to his associates.


This was the third quarter issue of T & D Highlights which featured Smart Telecom's big boss Polly Nazareno on the cover. It was a familiar issue for the material used for Leadership Beakthroughs was actually his speech during the Management Workshop in MMLDC in April---the speech which was transcribed by me! Oh and another thing, I was assigned to write about the improvements in the Aviary too included in that issue. Funny thing, I was doing my ocular visit in the midst of a rainy day and I forgot my umbrella in the studio. Thank God, someone from the housekeeping came to the rescue and offered me her umbrella.


And this issue is my second favorite. Released just in time for Christmas, I was then given the chance too to work in MMLDC as a coordinator and it was such a blessing too. Aside from that I also got to close a deal with Sir Ariel looking out for someone in th media to answer one question and thank God for Mr. Nestor Cuartero of the Philippine Panorama who obliged to represent his colleagues from the media. And one more thing...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

A Semi-Comatosed Love Affair

For one moment, the good memories are fleeting
Passing by like a bullet train
And here I am just plain trying
To be revived and go on living.

At one point I'd fall too deep
Into an almost never-ending sleep
And sometimes I'd wake up too high and fierce
But not that strong to be on my knees.

I'd try to live, and I try to feel
The same sweet fleeting moment and let time be still
But then I've got the time on the halt alone
Yet the feeling's not there all along.

And it's too hard to build the moments again
Even the same fleeting moment that they often claim
We exist together hoping to be the same pair
But it's too difficult to wake the same, old love affair.




 

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Babies

Two days ago, another batch of students graduated from the university where I came from. And it included a few people I knew; some happened to be part of my staff in the publication where I wrote and worked during my four year stay in the university.

And some of them will soon text me again asking me for possible job opportunities where I could fit them in.
Finally after 8 years, my co-teacher Mimi is now pregnant. Days before I learned that, I was still kidding with Teacher Mimi when she said she was 10 days behind the schedule and I said “hala, bata na yan.” And on Monday, it’s confirmed that she is indeed pregnant.

But on the other hand my former staff writer Jem is also expecting her first child. It was a surprise news that was revealed to me by my former staff writer Michael and it brought different reactions from the two of us. to think that Jem is just fresh out of college.

In a few weeks, my best pal Apple will give birth to her son. And it's another thing that will gear her up for the responsibilities will soon pour in when the baby comes.

On the other hand I'm here. 23, single, childless (as of now) and too career driven. But I'm having a good time in my life.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

What I Need To Know I Learned Before 24

In the midst of being so pissed off and out of my head over lots of things that were mostly annoying, I thought of writing these things while immersing on Norah Jones’ music playing on my CD ROM drive. Lessons that I simply read before and never though that could give me so much---that it even transformed me to who I am now. Things that what I thought before were just fine existing but now as I read it again and think of it find to be something that makes sense.

  1. You may be disappointed to fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
I am not a risk taker ever since. For when I do, I always anticipate what’s gonna happen next--- and it’s usually the awful aspect of the endeavor. And yes, it came to cost a lot especially possible opportunities. But as I came to give it a try, I never lost anything. Instead I gained something.

  1. When faced with a decision, DECIDE. If caught with a choice, CHOOSE.
In everything, there are simply two sides; the good and bad; up and down; left or right; right and wrong. To everything there are just two choices that one has to make. I learned that in every circumstance, there are simply two choices---YES or NO. Either way could do harm or good, make you or break you.

  1. Who you are today is the product of the choices and decisions you made from day to day.
If I decided not to push through with my degree, I won’t be the one that I am today. I could be someone else far different from the one creating and managing three websites and sharing thoughts over my online journals. But I decided to go on with it and follow the whims of my mind. And here I am, fulfilled and blissful with my chosen craft.

  1. If you let one stupid crap ruin your life, then you are not the one I thought you were.
These classy words from Legally Blonde are really a great morale booster; sometimes opportunities and great decisions are hampered because of opinions from other people that could shake your decision. That I learned not to listen to every word they say for sometimes, even a friend’s advice could send uncertain signals to the universe. Or in another way, if I simply let other people bully me around, they’ll get used to that for they see me as someone who doesn’t have that courage to fight back. Yes I used to think that I am an underdog. But now I start to realize that I am not. For I am transforming myself to someone else that I should become fearless and confident (but not overconfident). I learned that sometimes I also need to step on their feet to know that I exist and that I can also fight back.

  1. Courage isn’t having the strength to go on; it’s going on when you don’t have the strength.
In the midst of discerning over something, these words strucked me. I am no brave girl when it comes to confronting my feelings but then I had to settle the “what ifs” in my head and how will I conclude those “what ifs” if I’ll simply sit and look around. When I tried, I lost but when I let my courage steer me, I won my battle and it felt good.

  1. I am a writer in a country where no one reads.
Yes. It’s so ironic that I am a writer but some are reluctant if not lazy to read or even care about things that exist but then, I have other thoughts that the world should know and I should share to other people. Regardless if they don’t or do want to hear it.


  1. I am making sense to the world.
In my own little way, regardless of the circumstance or even if I walk like a penguin far different from normal people, I exist (and walk like a penguin) for a reason. I have a purpose that I need not question what because I knew it and I confidently work on it day by day. Forget the atribida-walang modong yaya, the bossy cousin, that daily traffic and people who has the tendency to misquote me. I know I have other things to care about; I am doing my best to fulfill my purpose and it’s far more important than other things.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Then Comes The Laughing Part

For almost two months now I have served as a teacher. And being one is full of both good and bad times; of breeze and storms and different things. I have encountered different kinds of students from different ages (currently, my oldest student is 52 years old and the youngest is 11).

And in those two months, I have had a few good servings of a gag show in my class composed of mostly guy students. These are some of them:

From my former student Sam:
Sam says: Teacher,heellpp!!!!
Glaiza says: Why?
Sam says: Sorry teacher. I missed "o" I was supposed to type hello.

From my student James Park:
Glaiza says: so in that case, maybe you're a cool dad.
James says: what do you mean cool dad? I can't understand....
Glaiza says: okay never mind. (in my mind I'm saying God, Korean ka nga pala at beginner dapat ang English lesson!)

From my student Chris:
Glaiza says: okay, if you'll say this sentence and use the name Bruce it will be what?
Chris says: I don't have it maybe you can borrow Batman's.
Glaiza says: okay (smiling)
Chris says: but teacher, Batman's name is Bruce.
Glaiza says: =**nothing=** (the truth is I was not familiar of Batman's real name. Stupid teacher huh!)

From my student Cecilia:Cecilia says: Teacher, you have a boyfriend?
Glaiza says: Hmmmm....no. Why James (her son's name who's also the same age as me and who also happened to be my former student) doesn't have a girlfriend?
Cecilia says: No. He's busy with study. Why not...you?
Glaiza says: (almost shouting) mommy!!!!

...and the funniest not to mention a bit "kakahiya" moment of all:

From my student Jae:
Jae says: teacher, do you have many bamboos in your country:
Glaiza says: what? bombers?
Jae says: no teacher, I mean bamboo. The plant.
Glaiza says: oh, I'm sorry I thought you were asking bombers I thought terrorists...(maybe I should really clean my ears well!)

See. I myself even realize the good side of the job. Yes at times it's tiring but it's still good at some point.

Go ahead and laugh. I admit I still have my silly, stupid side. It simply shows up during the wrong timing.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I Almost Left This Entry Untitled

This article was supposed to be published on Feb. 27, 2008 but I just had it done today while having a bout with colds.

I reported to the interview and my class tonight with a feeling that I never slept at all. I guess I was too overwhelmed with all the things going inside my head; teaching and a prospect of having that dream job that I have been waiting for three years hopefully coming true. I received the call I have been patiently waiting for for weeks and finally I got to receive it at 5:22 pm Feb.26 on my way to my part time job. And this afternoon was the panel interview; with the editors. 3 bubbly girls were there talking to me about lots of things----including the job and the scope of it. Frances was the editor's name. I quite knew her because I have been reading her blog and it's one of my favorite blogs. I used to see her in her blog Topaz Horizon and in the magazine Marie Claire with her article I Proposed to My Man published in June 2007. She's really beautiful; the same beautiful girl wearing a gorgeous wedding gown in the magazine. When she asked me about the magazines of Summit Media that I read, she asked me why Cosmo, and when she knew that I also read Smart Parenting and Good Housekeeping while the two other editors were asking me are you a mother already and things like that, I told her these:


"That's the irony of it. There are times that I also think that why in the
world am I doing this. While those women my age are reading Cosmopolitan or
Seventeen I on the other hand already reads Smart Parenting and Good
Housekeeping."
And her response was this:
"Subconsciously you want to get married, have kids and be a mother."


And she's right with that. (sigh!) And as to the proposing thing, she gave me a piece of advice:
Try to give him a game console (aka PS3) and he won't say NO.I had undergone three steps to the fulfillment of my lifelong dream of working with them. I'm taking things one step at a time and armed with my prayer of thanks and petition to St. Jude, I'm hoping and praying for a positive response. A positive YES to something that I have long been waiting for. And I hope that this is part of God's Plan for my life.

A Sincere Thought on Marriage

" When a woman is afraid to ask his man, she should consider their relationship. There should be no fear for rejection. For if you love each other, where will your relationship lead but towards marriage. If you're scared to ask your man, it's because deep down you know that he is not going to marry you."
These words from OK magazine's editor Frances Amper-Sales from the Marie Claire magazine article I Proposed to My Man really hit me that I decided to jot it down and ponder on it. I also had been thinking of doing the same thing as Frances did---proposing with the hopes that G will probably come to his senses and realize that I have been waiting for a very long time, and that I am damn serious about getting married.

Probably Frances has a point. G may really have no plans of marrying me because of his reasons; reasons like he's really enjoying the company of his friends (and a new girl I know) and devoting too much in other things rather than consuming his time to think about entering/planning to or even marrying me.

I guess that was why I never tried to "propose" to him the same way as Frances did to Vince. It could be my woman's intuition that is telling me to think things out. Behind my fondness in Pugad Baboy books, I am still a woman who at 23 is serious about getting married in two (or in the maximum three) years.

Maybe Frances was right. If I'm afraid to ask my man, it's because deep down G has no plans of marrying me. For if I am not feeling that way, why in the world do I find myself most of the time hoping for the one that I deserve? I always ask God to send me someone who's going to ask me to marry him for all the right reasons.

I might be young at 23 but I know what I want. Getting married and living blissfully with someone I deserve and who deserves me the same way. And I am serious about that.