Sunday, July 19, 2009

Celebrating Six Months of Singlehood

Blogging on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Relishing sentimental solitude listening to Michael Jackson's She's Out of My Life. Sometimes, it's good to be alone even just for a day.

So, today June 18 is somewhat worth celebrating for me. It has been a six-month journey to singlehood. Six months of doing nothing but exploring and knowing things as well as devoting myself to work. Six months of independence and liberation.

But don't get me wrong. Before I tried investing myself in a relationship, I have already considered myself Ms. Independent. And while I have been single and going solo for six months, within those quiet, peaceful period, I was learning lessons. Bits of wisdom that I really appreciate and makes me wise.

Five years ago, I knew that I wasn't ready to be romantically involved with somebody. I knew I really am not. That's one fact that I attest to. Despite my mom's belief that being 19 is already acceptable to go out on dates and enter a relationship, for me I knew I wasn't just ready for that yet. But, I took the plunge despite the uncertainty at the back of my head; however, things that followed told me my intuitions were right.

I know that I'll be ready for the whole relationship thing only when I reach 24. That I was really sure. It was during my time of being solo that I learned the essentials of a (successful) relationship. Probably, my first one is just like a practice test (if I could put it that way). And experience is indeed a great teacher. For one, back then I learned I was that idealistic over it. I'll be frank to admit that I wanted the whole thing to work for I believed that whoever will be the first should be the last. Which is actually a huge false, notion. So lesson 1: Never be so idealistic. Be realistic instead.

However, I'm happy to have known that I could still be the independent me. Yesterday I had this chat with Sherwin and Jade; from Sherwin, it was a conversation which led to a line that linked being single equals cold, lonely nights. And with Jade about the nice things a "perfect guy" or (perhaps ideal boyfriend) would do--buying you roses, driving or in other cases ride with you home.

Another lesson I learned both as a single and a once attached lady, is that you can be happy on your own. Happiness is a choice. And guys find happiness attractive too (that's a nice tip). Romantic relationships aim to enhance you and not to change everything about you.

And with regards to the gestures, I often tell my friends that I don't need a man to buy me roses or chocolates--that's why I'm working; to earn money for me to buy them on my own. But to put things precisely, it's not bragging but to show independence. I'm not preventing prospective guys to be sweet and caring. If they'd want to be so, I'd love to accept that. I'd be upfront in admitting that I'd love to feel that giddy feeling of being pursued by a guy whose worthy of ardor. If only those heartwarming gestures would be consistent. It's that I simply just don't want to rely on the sweetness and end up disappointed for the romantic today deadma tomorrow behavior. Like what an APO Hiking Society hit goes, wag masanay sa pagmamahal.

On the other side, I also learned things about expectations. Dr. Phil McGraw writes, "the 100 percent candidate doesn't exist. If the guy has 80 percent of what you want and potential to grow the extra 20 percent, you need to bag that boy up for he's good to go Do not walk past him while you're looking for Mr. 100 percent, because somebody else is going to marry Mr. 80 percent."

Nice, wise words. To which I agree and I'd be gracious to put mine to Mr. 70 percent. Once a colleague asked me about this and I responded another wise advise I found from reading Cosmopolitan; telling him that I don't need the next guy to be good looking the same way as Sam Milby, Piolo Pascual or Brad Pitt. For even if this guy looks like Brad, if he can't take his hands off all the Angelina Jollies in the world, he's no good. Keep expectations low and it will take you a long way to go.

My ex is certainly out of my life now. I have learned my lessons and will continue to learn more as each day comes along. Yes, I still have that little fear about feeling and falling in love . But then I know I deserve to feel that wonderful, blissful feeling. While I've been hearing of my friends' kakainggit and kakakilig love lives and other friends are trying to set me up for dates, I am not closing my doors to eventually finding him and building my own. As talk show host Boy Abunda puts it, always have the courage to love one more time. Always one more time.

I end this entry quoting Vince Sales, husband to OK! Magazine Philippines' editor-in-chief Frances Amper-Sales taken from her blog Topaz Horizon:

Perhaps the greatest measure of love is not ending up with someone who Fate decreed was yours but choosing someone simply because you both want to make it work.

Have a great weekened everyone.

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