Friday, July 10, 2009

What a Former Wife Thinks

Two days since Michael Jackson's memorial service. Everyone still has that hangover while US authorities are facing a problem of where to put the cards, gifts and flowers given by mourning fans. Like Frances Amper's blog says, surely MJ will be missed. And after the busy schedule I had with a project, I had the time to access the blog of Lisa Marie Presley, the King of Pop's ex-wife. And I don't know the feeling running deep within right now. The blog states of Michael's premonition and fear that he would end up just like his late father-in-law, Elvis.

Creepy but 14 years after that, it actually happened. The blog contained Lisa Marie's feelings toward her ex-husband's death as well as her clarifications on the life they had as a couple. She clarified that their relationship was not a "sham" as what others (including the press) think. With her conviction (which I do believe is real) that despite of being just together for one (or two) years (they got married in 1994 and divorced in 1996), Lisa Marie said and believed Michael loved her as much as he could love anyone.

She had seen the best and worst side of her ex-husband and wanted to save him from the latter.

But doing so, she was left emotionally and spiritually ill that in the end she decided to leave and let Michael be brought by his fate. And now that he's gone, she felt gutted at that.

That she was unable to save him.

In a way, I could relate to what she wrote there. Though I was never married to anyone, I had been through the same situation that lasted five, hellish years filled with 90 percent tears and disappointment. I thought I could "change" the man but then, for trying to do that, I ended up almost losing the identity of who I really was. I'll be frank in admitting that after I ended the relationship six months ago, I realized that in the five years, I became the tasteless girl that I was not born to be. In the five years, I became somebody who settled for the so-so second best when people and friends knew me to be someone who lived by some "standards".

Yes, I let loose and eventually removed those "standards" to accept someone who in the end is not worthy. In the weeks after the break up, of course I felt sad too for in a way he had been kind kahit pakitang-tao man lang. And like Lisa Marie, I tried to be a man's savior. Trying to wake him on the reality that he has to do something for himself.

In the end, I knew I need not be his redeemer. I was left with the lesson that men can't be taught what to do--regardless of how good the intention is, if that's what they want for themselves, that they would follow. There were more things that got revealed to me months after that--things that were actually hurting and disappointing. I was really thankful to have left this loser guy before losing the whole game, my identity and myself.

Yes, I could be the girl living in "standards" but those things are for the good purpose. If he was unable to take the hag of it, it's because he really doesn't want to. He wanted a loser, trash worthy life and that's one thing that I don't. Probably, in the future, someone's going to understand why I have those and maybe live by it--aside from me.

To read Lisa Marie's blog, click here.

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