Sunday, January 9, 2011

Part of the Process

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

For the longest time, I had been putting my thoughts down on paper. Much of what I wanted to say had been expressed letters and poured in countless pages of notebooks and journals.

And while reading journals and returning back to past events could be nostalgic, there was one journal that I left unread for such a long time. Case in point, that picture on the left.

For almost two years, I left that journal unread. Despite it was filled with some adventures and misadventures in between, it also chronicled a lot of hurts and pains. It contained a lot of realizations about the stupid things I've made back then. It kept my regrets, angst and those moments where I should have made that decision or listened to that vital advice but never did. I suppose I was that afraid even unprepared to try and get back to something that was actually a past yet ultimately disappointing period.

I know that while I can't really run away from the past, I just needed time to adjust back to my old self. And it took me a few days short of two years to achieve that. At past three in the morning last week, I was flipping on those pages. Without the bitterness, without any difficult feeling inside like how it was before.

As I type this, I'm nine more days short of reaching the end of the two-year prescribed period that I imposed on myself to recharge and finally, take charge. If taking hold of and reading this journal that I once ignored signifies being restored to the original me, I am glad about it. And I am proud to say that I am back -- happier more than ever and without a trace of fear or pain of the past. I am ready, to start anew.

No comments: