Sunday, June 26, 2011

Letting Go Lessons

Today, I decided to go and watch the movie Forever and A Day. I have heard from other people that the movie’s theme was somewhat similar to another Hollywood flick. Well, it actually was. But then I still went on watching it.

The amount of tears are still same too. I can’t help but cry in the latter part of the story (thankfully, I was alone when I saw the film). The intensity and the drama was almost the same as that of a foreign film, though from the start, I was hoping that KC’s character would defy the odds in the end.

Anyway, I won’t be putting on any spoilers. But the said movie would teach someone lessons about acceptance and letting go. For I had my share of that. Right after the movie, at the back of my head, are realizations with both my past and present situation. I can totally understand Sam Milby’s portrayal in the film and his character filled with fear and confusion; one who is totally exhausting all means to make amends and get all the possible ways just to keep someone alive when the latter has fully accepted the resolve that she cannot be saved.

I was like that. I cannot say how many times but I know I used to and probably, I still am. I was afraid to let go. I thought I can’t bear the feeling of being left alone thus I kept hanging on even if it meant utter confusion and the difficulty – when the resolve should have been losing the grip and letting go.

I will not hide it that even now, despite the situation is different, there are times I’d feel afraid. Yes, I’d want to fall for someone but there is an extent that I am still afraid – to be hurt, to be fooled, to fail. But then it’s part of the deal. But I guess that’s why love is called a leap of faith – because you need to take the risk, you need to take that leapfor you won’t know what might be the outcome unless you’d be that brave to try. And sometimes, when you already had enough, there is a point where you should let go. A point where you will have to fully surrender.

Which reminded me of the response written by one of my friends, Jam in my old Facebook status:

"Hindi masamang sumuko sa mga bagay na hindi mo kayang kontrolin."

Sometimes when people themselves had exhausted all their means and decides that they've had enough, you need to respect their wishes; for you won’t have everything in life no matter how (badly) you want it.

But just before you hit the theater and see the film, I advise you to bring loads of Kleenex as the movie's one huge tearjerker.

photo from here.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Flashback to the PressCon Season

Little notes of hardwork and pride. This is how I found the description for the word "award". Ever since I joined my current company, these little notes during the R and R are one thing I look forward to next to having weekends off and of course, US federal holidays.

Back when I was still in the university, I also had these little treasures; notes that I still keep up to this day, and look into once in awhile. Just reminiscing how sweet it felt walking to accept those little tokens are enough for me to spell HAPPINESS in my own simple way. Not to mention, seeing how proud my former professor, Ma'am Cez was as she watched us walk and accept our certificates.

Today, in the early and stormy hours of Saturday morning, those memories of the presscon season came back on my mind as I accepted the little yet meaningful tokens of my hardwork in the office together with other office pals. I'm not really gunning for too much but this day, receiving one unexpected citation left me with an amount of disbelief. Yes, I was happy while quietly enjoying that wonderful feeling as I tried going back to the memory of the presscon season -- all complete with that wide, giddy smile on my face.

However, the memory has to be cut short as I felt all too awkward; because I caught a colleague's piercing glance and a really charming smile -- I was probably that stunned for I got to mumble nothing back but "what".

But that's another story.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Instinct Lessons

I was at a doubt posting this but the thought is just like an itch that cannot be scratched and after two instances that sparked a very, very vital lesson, I am now writing them down here.

I have always been such a Doubting Thomas. Yes, if there could be a female version of that once doubting apostle, I guess I could be that one. I'd let either opportunities when I could have done something right pass.

I knew I could have succeeded in troubleshooting a technical glitch at work; a little voice has been humming at the back of my head to just tick that option but silly me, I was both doubting and afraid that I could screw the whole project if I did.

This was not the first time this has happened. When my office mate Neil, challenged me to follow my guts and give it a try, the advice of the voice worked.

Since that incident, I kept thinking. This is not the first time I missed something supposedly great. I had to think back again of that night in January when I was walking and talking with someone between Escriva and Guadix Drive in Ortigas. I knew that within that conversation, I could have just said what I felt because the time was right. But then I restrained myself from doing so, again because of these what ifs.

And I'm mindfully regretting of it until now. That I let that precious moment pass when I knew it's already there.

It all boiled down to this very important advice that I know I'll heed in the long run:

"Remember, that the voice that tells you you can't do anything is always lying."

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Busy Bee Evidence

Typing this down on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Mom is already urging me to hit the sack since I have not slept since I came from work this afternoon. While I am starting to feel the dizzy spell, I still want to spend some time doing things I love.

I've been darn busy the past few months. Thus, when I am home during the weekend, it's like a race against time to fit and do things within 48 hours. These days, my journal has long been neglected (but Bogs has a record of everything which I religiously try to do daily), it took me a week to finish the scrapbook which I could normally finish within a day or two and the books? well, they're piling up and are dying to be read.

Reading has been an indulgence for me for the longest time but lately, just like how my friend Ella puts it, with all our busy schedules, being able to finish a whole book is already an achievement. Of all the five books I have pictured above, I was only able to finish Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson.

I am trying -- hard to bring back something I love pages or at least a chapter at a time.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Sunday Updates

I am taking a few minutes this Monday morning to update my blog. I have been on a different shift the past two weeks coming to the office at 11 at night until 8 in the morning and now's actually the third week.

But despite the hustle and bustle of a crazy work schedule,I still make it a point to do my Sunday obligations regardless of how busy or bone tired I am. Last week, I had to render rest day overtime coming in to the office on a Sunday to attend a 15-hour Adobe Photoshop training at Informatics Eastwood branch. Yes, it left me bone tired but I still went to do an adventure trip -- hailing a cab from Libis to Megamall to catch the 6:30 pm mass at the Chapel of the Eucharistic Lord (and I did it!)

Yesterday, I was on the said chapel again but this time at an earlier schedule. In all the masses that I have participated, I have heard about the book Straight From The Heart...A Prayer Companion. Now, while I still have books to finish (I haven't finished reading my two Chicken Soup for the Soul books as of this writing), I decided to get a copy of the said book of prayers for myself yesterday. And I don't know if it was a strange coincidence but I received communion yesterday from the book's author, Fr. Mar C. Ladra.

The book contained more than 50 prayers. I think I made the right choice to purchase that book as it contained some of my "favorite" prayers from the Serenity Prayer, Anima Christi and the 3 O'Clock Prayer -- the very first prayer that I was able to memorize when I was two years old. The book also features prayers to saints and a guide to the mysteries of the rosary, which I find really helpful because I would admit that I am not familiar with the new mystery anymore.

I am planning to purchase additional copies to give as a gift by the next time I return to the chapel and send them to relatives abroad. As for me, I guess, the book will not just be my prayer companion but my travel buddy too as I plan to bring it even to work.

(photo from here)