Thursday, September 29, 2011

Last Day Thoughts

As I type this down, it's already six minutes before four in the morning. You might be wondering how I managed to write down this entry at a time I should be on my desk doing a certain task.

Today officially marked my last day at work. I won't be divulging the whole story and just leave it as it is to myself (perhaps, I'd let my handy-dandy diary know everything). Funny but as of now, I am not feeling anything. Probably, it has not dawned on me yet that by tomorrow, things would start to be different again.

My colleagues were caught by surprise when I told them (I only informed four of them, actually) the news that it's my last day. One of them, J, asked me why I never wanted them to know. Well, primarily, that's because while goodbyes are necessary, it's a thing that's hard for me to do. As for the final cry, I did cry -- in the shoulders of my office mate GV as I told him to watch over and take care of my dear "neighbor" DML who's going to be among those who'll I miss (and miss badly at that) as well as those chitchats with him.

But maybe, the reason why there is absence of pain for leaving is the fact that part of me was looking at the bright side of things. You win some, you lose some. If I were to think of it, leaving would allow me to finally get some freedom. I will not hide that at times, I still want my old life back -- when I am awake at day and asleep at night. When I can watch local news on prime time TV instead of watching more of The Today Show and NBC Nightly on mornings.

At least, I now have enough time to de-clutter the mess and spend time immersing in the pages of the books I longed to and failed to read for so long.

Little stuff that I miss doing.

I know that in return to having my life back, I will have to temporarily say goodbye to tall Starbucks Mocha Frappucino during payday, the weekend trips to the mall and that pair of Charles and Keith? Sadly, it would have to wait.

A line of a certain song goes, "there's got to be a morning after". Part of me is a bit uncertain knowing that I have a bill to pay and prescriptions to fill and those about what's going to happen next but then, like how a priest once said in his homily, "do not worry about tomorrow. It will deal on its own. God will suffice."

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