Saturday, January 28, 2012

These Prevailing Thoughts on My Wall

I don’t know where to start. Right now, all I know is that when I think of him, I have this unexplained giddy feeling. This feeling just kind of showed only lately. When I first met him two months back, I never bothered this was possible.

I remember that time when I had lunch all by my lonesome. He came in to the cafeteria, called upon me and asked why I was alone. Not to be a snob, but I never got to reply because my mouth was stuffed with food (sorry naman, sabi ng nanay ko, don’t talk when your mouth is full!).

On my second week at work, over lunch together with other office peeps. I know that there was this uneasy feeling still because aside from I still haven’t settled myself with the new environment; I was sitting right next to the chief and him. Still, I remember him motioning a “thumbs up” just to make sure if I was okay. This time, my response was just a nod and a smile.

We were the only two people in the project present at that moment when people are already anticipating the holidays. Right before he left, he uttered a greeting. While it was somewhat unexpected, I was able to say something back. And I should say there was sincerity in it. And it was funny and weird that weeks ago, I had this dream that he spent Christmas Eve with me and my family (while in reality, I was trying to put myself asleep after crying the midnight off).

While I had always thought myself to be the corny wala-sa-hulog-ang punchline type, two colleagues had told me how I drew a smile on his face (which I never saw). When he thanked us for the gift we gave him on Christmas, when I blurted out due to fustration “Hay naku Pag-Ibig! Isa kang malaking problema (and I was referring to something else), and when I told him that he needs to prepare the rose and the tuxedo because he’ll take part in a “debutant’s” party (pangalawa siya sa pila! :-p).

But it’s not always about the good stuff. Weeks after the holidays, the unexpected news came in. It was something that got me in disbelief and in disappointment. I fought a battle on my own for the first time. It was something I knew I should take courage of. But it also was the same moment where I showed my other, strong side to him.

There was a certain day I realized guilt as well. It was during that late night message when he wished me a happy weekend. It really hit me because I don’t even bother to say goodbye or happy weekend when I leave, unlike how my other colleagues do. But he never forgot to say it apart from the important reason.

That fateful day was the start of things. I just decided that I wanted to make the most of it –of what is left for me. I realized, if things won’t work out and I have to leave the wonderful environment and the kind people I know, I better keep it sweet. As of this writing I only have two weeks left to savor everything good that this feeling is actually giving me.

I know you might have seen old status posts that sounded all too wonderful, pertaining to this person. Well, there’s no doubt about it. The feeling is blissful. But if you’re thinking of asking me if I am perhaps in love with this person, the answer to that is NO I AM NOT.

I’d say a slight (READ: MINOR) crush would be the nearest to it. But this one is transforming me and my emotions at a different level – in a good way. No one knows his identity and I want to keep it that way. I promised myself that if this feeling would bug me again this time, I want to handle it differently – as civil and normal as I could.

I just want this simple and wonderful feeling to be just that. SIMPLE. WONDERFUL.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

It's Now More Than Just a Radio Show!

The Morning Rush Top 10 finally hits the bookshelves! And since I was given an extended holiday by my boss because of the Chinese New Year, I trooped to the bookstore to get myself a copy.

I'm quite a fan of the radio show. I only say quite because I only get to hear the program when time permits. Now, this book's a genius; because at least I can read about some of the topics I've missed. While I've been a follower of Chico Garcia's blog, Strange Fruit, nothing still beats the feeling of flipping the crisp pages of a book and savoring its contents.

And if you think, this book's just about the green-minded subjects. Well, not everything in it is. They've got topics from mushy love stuff, creepy stories involving the supernatural, to the out of this world ideas you never thought you'd read in a book until you get a copy of this one!

I got to finish reading the book in two days. Just this morning, I shared the book to my two office mates, and what would you expect? We were all in for an ultimate laugh trip (which might have puzzled our supervisor who's desk is just in front of us :-p)

Just like wildfire, another office mate told me, she'll purchase one for herself. If you're looking for a light read, I suggest that you buy a copy as well. The great dose of laughter saved our sanity from being burned by the whole day's work and maybe, it will do you good too!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Behind the Spontaneous Thought

My current Facebook status reads:

Happiness is as simple as having you in sight. But having you pictured in my mind is eternal bliss."

Friends would find that this too is the update on my Skype account (except I removed the second sentence). I never thought the writer in me would strike in this instance. It just dawned on me that I wrote this post without consulting books. When I keyed these words this morning, all I knew was that I am happy and that and that someone's face was registered on my mind.

I don't like to think that time runs fast and the clock is ticking; probably, one of the reasons why I came up with this status post is the fact that I just want to think happy thoughts; including every single day that I see this person around.

I still have three more weeks left. I am hoping and praying for a miracle; and may this person be the knight in shining armor in this circumstance; just like how someone became for me years ago.

PS. Sana lang, wag ka nang pala-absent. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Guessing Game

I was about to retire to bed late Friday night when I got this message.As luck would have it, the person seemed to have forgotten leaving his name.

It made me clueless for 10 hours and had to send a response first thing in the morning as I wake up.Thankfully, I didn't forget my manners because on the contrary, I'm kinda bitchy when it comes to text messages coming from people I don't know.

I should say this is the second time I get anonymous messages this week. The other one was a comment left in one of the entries in this blog. The sender of which, I am still trying to figure out until now (detective mode, eh :-p).

The person might have failed to mention a name but then, never forgot to wish me a happy weekend. Fair enough so I suppose, giving the benefit of the doubt (in this case) won't hurt.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Some Things Are Worth Another Try

Today happens to be the third year that I have been single. So, this is how it feels to not be in an exclusive relationship. Obviously, three years of being in hiatus is already a long period. And it’s not just the people around me who have the same thought – I do think it indeed is too.

I woke up this morning with the usual things in mind. Except that the first few minutes, I rose with this weird look on my face, after this weird dream where I saw this guy (let’s just call him the Prince of Egypt) in my house on Christmas Eve. I was asking him if he had called someone and all he gave me was just a cute smile. It was odd. Really. I might have reached a milestone again but then, this day is just an ordinary day in the calendar – waking up, fixing myself, reporting for work; and as luck would have it, I arrived in the office on buzzer-beater mode.

A quick lunch and I was off to hear the mass at a nearby chapel. Of all the days, the Homily sort of hit me hard. It could be related to how things were for me the past three years.   “When was the last time I seized good opportunity when it presented itself?” Honestly, I missed it every time. Relationship wise, I kept ditching it – either because of fear, uncertainty or the worst, pride.

Like if this person doesn’t fit my criteria.

How many opportunities could I have missed and unreasonably let go in the past three years.

The past few days, I’ve been pondering about things – including this. Sure, I don’t want to stay this way forever. Yes, I might have learned new things, knew how to fight my own battles, won and lost but then, at the end of the day, I now often realize…

Some of the people around me are right. I should give love a chance too. I might be that independent, brave, wise and all the good and bad things yet, there are things that things couldn’t give me.

Things that only a particular person and a force called LOVE could.

I realized that maybe, I am just being that hard on myself and what my heart wants. For days, this thought has been bugging me, that despite the comfort of friends, other people, my books and a job, there is this little voice in me that I have and still am trying to ignore.

My heart also longs for its other half. I am not immune to people holding hands, whispering sweet nothings and those couples exchanging pecks on the cheek when they part ways after a long night. I am just that stubborn to disregard it because of my reasons.

And I need to pay attention to that voice – at least once (more).

While friends are telling me it won’t hurt to try again, I’d like to believe two things: that the world is made up of millions of people. Millions in which one of them is wondering where I could possibly be found; that there is one soul who happens to be the one I have been hoping and praying for for so long.

The other thing? Love could be compared to waiting for your favorite Starbucks drink that you have been craving for for weeks. Nothing beats that wonderful feeling once it’s already there.

Monday, January 16, 2012

From a Sweet Treat to an Impromptu Movie Date

I am writing this post with a cat sleeping near my feet.

Cats. Among the things that we both liked.

It was on this night last year, we decided to meet again -- sadly the last of the series. I was with him chatting and laughing over scoops of Häagen-Dazs. I can still remember that weird look he gave me upon realizing that I was to get three scoops of raspberry sorbet, when he asked if I was sure and how cute he smiled when he saw me cringe upon knowing that it doesn't taste good.

And how he kept smiling when I said it was true. That not all that glitters is gold.

This day brought me back to that night when he invited me to watch a movie afterwards and I said yes to it. The same night I was able to appreciate a genre I never tried to watch before; when I saw the child in him and when he told me that probably, if time comes and he will have kids, he'll be a cool dad just like the character in the movie; which caught me by surprise because I was trying to veer away from discussing even mentioning the subject of a relationship, getting married much more the topic of having kids and becoming a parent

Yes, it was the last time we went out. Some people told me I was stubborn for not following the path of romance when it was already presenting itself. I thought of it and I'll be honest that at one point, there is regret. But then, it is now, a year after that I learned my lesson:

‘What’ and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life."

And though I was a Cinderella in distress for missing my midnight curfew, at least there was one time I felt safe; for I was not traveling on my way home alone -- at least half way through the trip.

And it was one of the things I'd like to think of and replay in my head.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Creativity is Definitely More Fun -- in the Philippines

The Department of Tourism's new campaign It's More Fun in the Philippines might have earned controversy again knowing that it carried the same thing for the 1951 campaign of Switzerland. And I never thought to delight in it. Just this week, I was browsing on my Facebook page and discovered It's More Fun in the Philippines (OFFICIAL) page. There I saw how other people showed their creative side by adding their thoughts about what's good about the Philippines. Consider these:

You'd think you're in ancient Spain or Mexico

If US has Hershey's and Switzerland's got Lindt,
we've got out own too -- and it's definitely cheaper!

Real life Farm Ville? It's here!

Just among the items in my bucket list!

Nemo is for real!

And yes, my hometown too is among the reasons
why Philippines is a must-see country!

And this is the place where we have a wholesome version
of the pot session!

Indeed there are a lot of reasons to be proud. The campaign itself may have similarities but with how people represented and showed their ideas made it different. I just thought that if I only have my Adobe Photoshop software available, I could have uploaded a picture too.

How about you, what could make you say "It's more fun in the Philippines"?

photos from It's More Fun in the Philippines (OFFICIAL) page on Facebook.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I Don't Want to Ruin My Weekend

Since I have been though a lot of downs this week; as much as I would like to air it out, I guess, my handy-dandy journal would be the best place to rest it. Thank goodness, there's a creature that in a way was able to let those awful pent-up feelings aside.

Sino'ng adik?
We all deserve a breather! Break free from the nuisance of the planet and the world. It's everyone's right. You're free to claim your share.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

This Date Last Year

I remember riding the cab to Ortigas -- SM Megamall to be exact. I was meeting someone for the first time in two years. Yes, I dated a colleague who I used to have a crush on. After three weeks, we decided that on this date, we shall meet. He picked me up at my happy place, another bookstore while I was jittery holding the book To Kill a Mockingbird. A book where, he later on confessed, his name was derived.

That day was the hardest for me -- in terms of telling my mom where am I going, the reason behind and the person I'll meet. But it was the best moment I ever had considering that I used to tag this person as "someone special".

It was a usual talk over coffee. Who would think that before we knew it, it was getting late, but we still managed to continue talking over dinner that night. But before you think more thoughts, the story never went far, for much of our beliefs are far and different (at least as I see it). The talks over coffee might not have led us to those sparks, butterflies and sleepless nights but I don't regret it. For me, I'd like to see it as an experience that's part of being an adult. That at a certain point, I met and was with someone who knows how to honor my choices, great and engaging at conversations and who knows how to make me cry -- out of laughter.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Name Game

I'd like to think I am one of those creatures with a unique name. Unique in the sense that some people have a hard time to pronounce it right. But likewise, there are a few who still manage to be on the safe side. Back in one of my previous jobs, one of my friends from the US (hi, Drew!) requested me to spell my name over the phone. When I asked him why, his reply was because he wanted to be polite and to avoid "murdering" my name.

Sweet. Someone once said that a person's name is by far, the sweetest music to the ears. So, imagine how I cringe whenever someone calls me by a different name despite repeating it a lot of times. Believe it or not, to them, I was Rachel or Sarah. It sends creepy feelings which made me decide that if time comes for me to have kids, I won't be giving them "complicated" names.

Thankfully, with my job now, people seem to get my name pretty well. I get calls from different people and so far, it's about 97% (funny but I am now the one having issues with their names because they've got a different accent). Just yesterday I received a call from someone, a guy named George hoping to talk to someone in the office. While this person was unable to reach who he needed, he was that kind to recall my name after leaving his message. Who'd have thought, someone who I don't see in person and don't really know well ( except for that info that he works for a famous software company) would find time to recall my name.

Talk about priceless experiences at work. And for being one of those courteous people, I'll remember his name as well -- his name's George.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Found a Long-Lost Literary Favorite

A few days before I took my holiday break at work, I took time to drop by the Fully Booked branch near my office to browse the available books that they have. Visiting the place during my lunch break has been a wonderful routine for me for the past few months.

Their books are a bit expensive; but then, they've got lots of titles from different authors. I was busy checking out the large print versions of Nicholas Sparks' books when lo and behold, I found this familiar title book quietly ignored at one corner:

They have a copy of A Knight in Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux! Imagine how my heart lept in giddy delight! I had the chance to read this novel about four years ago through my best friend Lord Apple and fell really in love with it -- from the plot, the characters and all. The whole story is really interesting for me; but I realized this title may no longer be available, given that this was written in the early 90s.

I had to let few more weeks pass and have it spent crossing fingers that it will still be in their shelves when I return. Just this afternoon, I finally bought this one in the fear that if I don't get to own this, someone else surely will! And I can't be let that happen. Now, I'm happier that I have one of my favorite novels at hand!

The challenge is, I still have another Nicholas Sparks novel waiting to be finished, so I'm afraid this book will have to be parked for a couple of weeks or so. But regardless, the point is I finally have IT!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Behind a Broken Road Lies a (Wonderful) Surprise

Often, we believe and choose that straight path to be the shortest but best way to our destination; that we tend to ignore the broken paths and only see them as the road that deserve to be less traveled.

But what we don't realize is this: It might be broken, but it doesn't mean it's useless. For in that broken path lies one blessing that we might not find in the  shortest, easiest road.

Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Thanks, Patty Laurel for your wonderful blog post that inspired me to write this today and for encouraging me to believe in one of the best things (or probably, forces) in the world.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year Thoughts and Traditions

I am writing this on the first day of the year; looks like an achievement of some sorts because despite the traditional allergy attack, I am doing this first thing on New Year's Day.

Compared to the previous years, there weren't much photos taken this year as everyone has been that busy. People in the household were occupied preparing for the feast while  I was doing my general cleaning of my bedroom on the last day of the year and just decided to take this out-of-the-blue shot. And this has been my traditional look on New Year's Eve given that I am really having these  bad allergy attacks after the celebrations.

I did not forget the traditions and beliefs concerning the New Year. They say red is a lucky color; unfortunately, I wasn't wearing a red shirt last night (I was wearing an Aeropostale shirt in green) so yesterday morning, I decided to color my nails using Twinkle nail polish in appealing red; when my niece Kate saw what I was doing, she shyly asked me to do her nails too, so there were two of us with red nails  in the household.

My mom believes that you should put in coins on your pocket when you greet the New Year to signify well, prosperity finance wise. And I used these coins and placed them in my pocket.

And lastly, one of the things that I do on the last day of the year was lighting these prosperity candles. This came almost impossible this year after the NBS branch in SM Taytay (when I used to buy the candles) got out of stock. Thankfully, I found these candles still available in their branch in Sta. Lucia East. 

Based on the instructions, you should light these candles at 11:30 pm of December 31 and put it off at 12 midnight and the shortest candle will bring the most prosperity for the year. This was something I was not telling anyone in my family, not until last night. The candle has seven colors signifyinmg different aspect of life:

Red- life                                    Green- money
Blue- peace                                Pink- health/ love
Yellow- good spirit                    Orange- brightness
Violet- material wealth
Since I started doing this in 2009, the shortest candle that's left is the green one which signifies money (probably why I was either changing or receiving new job offers and sidelines. But for this year, it was the blue candle that was left; which would mean peace.

I don't line up resolutions. But if there would be some, it would be the shallow ones; read more books, watch more movies, be more outgoing (but not wild), spend time for myself, be more financially wise, blog more often,flourish my business, stay beautiful and live life to the fullest!