Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Some Things Are Worth Another Try

Today happens to be the third year that I have been single. So, this is how it feels to not be in an exclusive relationship. Obviously, three years of being in hiatus is already a long period. And it’s not just the people around me who have the same thought – I do think it indeed is too.

I woke up this morning with the usual things in mind. Except that the first few minutes, I rose with this weird look on my face, after this weird dream where I saw this guy (let’s just call him the Prince of Egypt) in my house on Christmas Eve. I was asking him if he had called someone and all he gave me was just a cute smile. It was odd. Really. I might have reached a milestone again but then, this day is just an ordinary day in the calendar – waking up, fixing myself, reporting for work; and as luck would have it, I arrived in the office on buzzer-beater mode.

A quick lunch and I was off to hear the mass at a nearby chapel. Of all the days, the Homily sort of hit me hard. It could be related to how things were for me the past three years.   “When was the last time I seized good opportunity when it presented itself?” Honestly, I missed it every time. Relationship wise, I kept ditching it – either because of fear, uncertainty or the worst, pride.

Like if this person doesn’t fit my criteria.

How many opportunities could I have missed and unreasonably let go in the past three years.

The past few days, I’ve been pondering about things – including this. Sure, I don’t want to stay this way forever. Yes, I might have learned new things, knew how to fight my own battles, won and lost but then, at the end of the day, I now often realize…

Some of the people around me are right. I should give love a chance too. I might be that independent, brave, wise and all the good and bad things yet, there are things that things couldn’t give me.

Things that only a particular person and a force called LOVE could.

I realized that maybe, I am just being that hard on myself and what my heart wants. For days, this thought has been bugging me, that despite the comfort of friends, other people, my books and a job, there is this little voice in me that I have and still am trying to ignore.

My heart also longs for its other half. I am not immune to people holding hands, whispering sweet nothings and those couples exchanging pecks on the cheek when they part ways after a long night. I am just that stubborn to disregard it because of my reasons.

And I need to pay attention to that voice – at least once (more).

While friends are telling me it won’t hurt to try again, I’d like to believe two things: that the world is made up of millions of people. Millions in which one of them is wondering where I could possibly be found; that there is one soul who happens to be the one I have been hoping and praying for for so long.

The other thing? Love could be compared to waiting for your favorite Starbucks drink that you have been craving for for weeks. Nothing beats that wonderful feeling once it’s already there.

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