Friday, February 10, 2012

80 Days, 1771 Calls Later

I wrote my last email today minutes before I left home. I had to face another episode of abrupt departure -- and it saddens me nonetheless. It was something I had been keeping mum about for almost a month but now that the day came, there is this sharp pain in my heart.

You see, when I got accepted in this job two months ago, I had made up my mind that this is something I want to keep. The job was supposed to be good for three years and I had decided that I would want to stay in the project for that duration. So, this news really left me puzzled and in a way devastated, though I tried my best to hide it.

From Monday up to the last moment, the thought of D-day never sunk into my mind. I remember telling my mom last Monday how I really wanted to stay. The thought of Friday was like waiting to leave home -- balikbayan style.

It breaks my heart because I really didn't want to go. It was what I kept telling mom the whole week. I am not prepared to leave. I knew that I had found a place where I'd be okay. Where I'd be happy. Kat and Beth were the representation of what Tita F and Tita V had prayed for for me -- they were wonderful colleagues. The same with M. I may not have shared much conversations with him, and even finding it a bit awkward to talk, but that's not a reason for me to not speak of reputable words.

There are just things, situations and people that are beyond words to describe and deeds where thank you might not be enough.

Now, it's going to be no flowers, no Valentine date and again, no job. But rather than thinking of the first two, I am more concerned of the last one. Losing it is like losing half of myself.

But as painful as it could be, goodbyes are always necessary; and the universe won't dare to care even if you refuse.

For sure, the morning after will not be this easy. Things will linger on.

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