Friday, March 16, 2012

Things a Heart Remembers

On my way home from work yesterday, it came to me that today is your anniversary. It's been three years. I guess time indeed runs fast. I know a lot of people misses you. For sure, Lawrence* still does.

A lot of things had changed in the three years since you left. When Lawrence and I parted ways, he told me he wanted us to grow -- identity wise, I guess. And with the way I see it, I suppose we really did. I learned he's now with someone new while I am still on my own juggling between my job and trying to experience how it is like to be with the world around me.

Trying to explore things by my own.

I'd like to think that in some way that separation led to something good. But there are down sides of it; because of my job, I can't help but rely on fast food to cure that craving. If your Lawrence and I were still together, I know he'll scold the hell out of me if he sees me eating my food in styrofoam containers. I try to fight that temptation but then, there are times I fail.

I still remember the things you used to tell me -- healthwise and despite that, my eyesight had slowly started deteriorating, some minor ailments had started showing up. And when I think of such things, I start to wonder if your son would still be that patient enough to stay and take care of a girlfriend who would be blind eventually.

I guess not.

A lot of other things had unfolded right in front of me. But if there is one thing that remains, it's the fact that I still do remember you whenever this day of the year comes; for it was also the day when I remember standing in front of your coffin and whispering to you how sorry I am for I can't be the "favorite daughter-in-law" that you used to tell Lawrence.

There are times thoughts of you and Lawrence would just pass by my mind. If you were to ask me if I miss you and Lawrence, well, I will be a huge liar if I say I don't. But things had become different. You're in a much better, more beautiful place now. If you got to see God one time, I hope you could tell him that there is somebody here waiting for someone. Someone to fill the spaces in between her hands and to share the love in her heart. And may that someone teach me to be a better person who deserves that long-awaited gift.

*name has been changed.

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