Friday, January 18, 2013

Today Has Been Four Years

This is how it feels to be single for four years. I feel plainly normal. I guess I am pretty much an improved version of what my old self used to be. When I think of it, my lawyer-boss was absolutely right when he told me that nothing is ever easy – well at least in the first few years. When this guy and I parted ways, he said he wanted the two of us to grow but doing that meant being apart for good. And looking at it today, and seeing myself now, I got the kind of growth that I wanted to achieve for myself. Indeed, the priest in the parish was right when he said sometimes, the bad news could mean a good news; that God can turn seemingly negative circumstances to blessings.

Gail Sheely has a point when she said that “growth requires a temporary surrender of your sense of security”. Just when I thought I could not live a life of being on my own, it turned to be the other way around. Such situation of being left alone caused me to have courage: to try and fall; to try again and win.

To face my fears, to deal with those dragons and fight battles on my own. I used to think I will never be able to do it. But what happened in the past imparted me lessons that I will never know if I stayed with him. Four years is such a long one but time had made me wise (I hope) about what I wanted and who I would want to be with for good. Being single made me think of a lot of things and finally decide on something that I had always avoided.

The reason you haven’t found the right man is because it’s not yet your time. Sometimes, God lets bad things happen to us as a sign that something is not right. He also does it to make us stronger. God has a plan for you and you got to stop fighting it. Focus on yourself and let God lead that man to you.

My parents consecrated me to the Sto. Niño after escaping a harrowing ordeal that almost cost my life when I was born. It was the feast day of Sto. Niño four years ago when the two of us decided to part ways, and just months back, while I was going through my things, I found this novena hidden among my old journals. I don’t know if this follows a pattern or if it was just a coincidence. But there are times I get to question, (what if) anyone out there happens to own something symbolic (like this) that I am keeping. It would be good to find out that the person I have long been praying for happens to own a part of me.

And if ever that happens, I know it’s going to be one of the best miracles I could ever receive. Some things are worth the wait – even if it takes a long one.

And that person is among them.

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