Thursday, May 16, 2013

What You Lose Will Come in Another Form

"Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.”

Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

My grandma was laid to rest two days ago. When she passed away, our family made a quick decision that she be interred in less than a week. My mom wanted the funeral to be held on a Monday but given that it was a holiday, it was moved to May 14th. The decision according to her, was mainly because it would be inconvenient to prolong the burial and we are not waiting for anyone else from abroad to arrive.

If you're going to ask me of the grieving phase, I honestly could not give you a precise answer. I have always known myself to be such a weak soul but within the days that my grandmother's wake was held at our home, I never dared to cry much. Probably because I had already cried the hardest on three instances -- on the day that I found out that she died while I was on the phone with Januver, on the shoulders of my mom on Mother's Day and on Monday morning in one of the cubicles of the office restroom. 

It helped that aside from keeping it simple and almost resembling to a normal day (no one thought someone died in our home and we have an ongoing wake because there was no single clue -- unless we or other people said so), we were surrounded by wonderful people during one of the darkest points that our family had. From family friends, relatives, neighbors to even my office colleagues. They all made us feel that we were not alone. In some way, admitting the loneliness I was feeling made the grieving part bearable.   On one of the nights during the wake, I remember telling our neighbor, Tita Agnes Tiamson that instead of a wedding, it was a funeral that had to be held first in this house since we first moved in 17 years ago.   She simply held my hand smiled at me and said not to worry.

Words of sympathy still poured in as I came back to the office from a bereavement leave. One of our wills and estate planning lawyers, Atty. Stewart told me to not to forget to take good care of myself, when I told her that I know now how it feels that I got an experience of the thing that I only hear and read at work. In the Requiem Mass held two days ago, in the midst of  the sadness all of us were feeling, Father Roy Crucero's words during his Homily consoled me:

"She did not die to leave the people who love her behind. She died because God called her home so that He can love her there in heaven for eternity."

Those were more than enough to keep me strong and realize that the reason God gives us a chance to wake up every morning is because life has to go on and for us to witness each miracle from Him that is waiting.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Father Roy says the most sensible things. ☺ He has also touched my life. ☺