Wednesday, August 3, 2016

A Lesson from the Past Week

Last week I had to go through a difficult moment. I won't go into details anymore but all I can say is that it was a week where I was put to an ultimate test -- physically, mentally and emotionally. I would come home tired and silent. I just wanted to either cry out all the stress and just sleep my heart and head out for the rest of the week thinking it'll help. I realized that stress is a sure fire way to aggravate asthma because that was literally what I got (but at least just for a day).

In the midst of these things happening came a text message on Tuesday night. However, I was too knocked out from the medicines I was taking so I read the text the following day and I had to defer a reply. But come Wednesday afternoon, just when my stress levels hit its peak, I got another text message. This:

If you don't want to be tagged like this,
please, please reply to text messages. :-)
Nung mabasa ko yan, hindi ko alam kung matutuwa pa ba ako or gugustuhin kong ihagis ang cellphone ko dahil dumating ang text na ito sa hindi tamang timing. But  I had to let out the negative emotions first so I opted not to answer. And as soon as I felt that those undesirable emotions have subsided, at alam kong medyo okay na ako, that was the only time I decided to text a reply. Yes, my replies might sound nang-aasar or filled with hugot but I wanted to do it that way-- a bit laidback and a bit funny. Apparently, the person seemed to have been waiting for my reply since the first message was sent on Tuesday night.

Pero ang totoo, bukod sa gusto ko ng katahimikan at panatag na isip that time, the reason I delayed giving a response was I just wanted to spare the person from my "sungit" tendencies. being sick and going through stress, alam ko na may possibility that I might just obliterate and show my worst side. Ayoko siyang masungitan o matarayan because the person doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. They say if you cannot be kind, be quiet. I know during those moments, I could not be kind so I chose to be quiet instead and let the negative emotion pass before I said a word.

Kasi, kung nagkataon na sumagot ako sa kanya nang mga panahong mataas ang negative emotions ko, I might have said a lot of wrong, hurtful and unnecessary words. Words that I could not take back. Kung nagkataon, yung words na yun could cause me irreversible regret. Those words could cause the person to be hurt. And hurting that person is something I did not want to do. Ayoko nga siyang nasasaktan ng iba, mas lalong ayoko na ako ang maging dahilan para masaktan siya. 

And as I write this, I can't help but get a bit teary eyed. I never thought such ugly moment would teach me a beautiful lesson. This is one of those rare moments I realized that I unconsciously did something right. Oo, nakagawa ako ng isang tama at magandang desisyon nang dahil sa taong ito -- at dahil ayokong masaktan siya. Parang nakakapanibago pero ang hindi ko agad napansin ay binabago rin ako (sa magandang paraan, ugali at pananaw) ng taong ito.


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