Monday, June 5, 2017

#MarriedFeels


I have been married for exactly five years and three months today. At the back of my head and despite of just having slept for only two hours , I am thinking, so this is how it feels.

But before you start making your own conclusions and speculations, I'll make it clear, I am talking about a rather significant union (at least for now). I'm talking about being married to my job. As I am typing this entry, a part of me still has this happy question. Has it really been five years? And while that question exists, there is also a part of me that is trying to replay a number of things in my head.

You see, reaching this milestone is not a walk in the park.Someone once said that finding the right job is like finding The One destined for you to have. You need to kiss a few wrong frogs to find the right prince. And I must say I had gone through that phase before I arrived to where I am right now. Yes, I tasted career setbacks a number of times. Particularly during the time I had to experience what they call "quarterlife crisis" when I literally felt uncertain about everything. It reached a point that I almost befriended fear. I even started to question if there's really one out there for me. And if there was something I was asking at that time, it was not something specific. All I just wanted was for God to give my life FEASIBILITY -- in what way was something I don't know how. 


People always say you'll find things when you least expect it. And that was what happened to me five years ago. Landing in a career that was at the bottom of your choices is like falling in love with a guy who is the last on your list. I just simply gave it a shot and let go of what happens next. Only to find out that it is when you let go that things will really start falling in the right place. 

Funny how, next to learning the law, its language, surviving the workday with just a few (or worst, zero) sleep (and it's something I won't recommend anyone to try), the career I married for half a decade of my life taught me things that I could hopefully apply to another significant relationship in the future. People think I live a stress-filled life and find it amazing how I was able to manage. But on the other hand, I still tell them that at the end of the day, I am still human. I have my weakest moments too and I tend to break down and cry when I can't take it anymore which is just okay. And just like any relationship, the past five years isn't composed of rose-colored glasses. There are tough days too. Days that I tend to think what if I just stop, leave and completely quit but then it also taught me to be more patient with situation, circumstances and people. To love and appreciate what you have while you still have it. To let go of some things and to not sweat the small stuff. That everyone commits mistakes and that it's okay to not be perfect.

This milestone makes me think of days when I would ask why did I land on this job when I thought my qualifications are not even enough? More than just a career that earns me a living, pays the usual expenses, the answer to my prayer also taught me one thing: and it's not just to grow professionally. My ways were different with God's ways. His plans obviously aren't my plans. More than anything else, maybe it's really part of God's reason why I am here.. That I have to be here to grow as a better person and better equip me for what is in store for me in the future.

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