Those were the exact words that kept ringing in my ears since Tuesday.
After having the test recommended by my doctor done (again) today, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I've been worrying about it this week especially when the first result came out. I was really hoping and praying that I'd be spared from another health malady as I already have enough of it.
I was somewhat feeling uneasy this morning. But when the results came out, I was able to be relaxed finally. Yet, I vowed to myself one thing: I will
SERIOUSLY follow my doctor's (and my mom's) recommendations and advice.
For two weeks, my lower extremity had been aching. And this week, I finally took a break from work to have them checked. And the appointment taught me four things.
At the moment, I am doing some sacrifice, health wise. No soda, no junk food. My coffee intake has been limited to once a day, and that's only during breakfast. When I returned to the office last Wednesday after a one-day leave, I saw my coffee mug and remembered the last time I had coffee on my desk was Monday, and up to now, I never had a cup of joe at work. And while I drink milk before hitting the bed, I opted to have it without sugar. Bananas and root crops and leafy greens are part of the menu because my doctor explained that while she knew the possible cause of these pains (that continue to manifest up to now), she could not just prescribe medications weighing the cons vs the pros of doing so. She advised me to opt for natural sources.
It took me two weeks before finally giving in to see a doctor because I was taking OTC pain medicines; two lessons which I learned. One was never prolong the symptoms and never self medicate as there are times it really won't work. My mom had an idea of what triggered the week long, persistent pain and the doctor just validated it. Well, that's actually the third lesson: Always believe your parents. They knew it first before you did. Seriously.
I'm off for a routine test tomorrow, just to rule out some stuff. I told my boss about this when I got back to work and I could feel an amount of concern in his voice. I just hope that my sacrifice this week would work and that my arm would not end up bruised black and blue again (pictured above) after what the med-tech did to me in the office about 3 weeks ago. But most importantly, I hope and pray I'll soon be okay and this pain would finally go away.
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| Click image for better resolution. |
One of the things I hope to learn really soon is using Instagram. But since, I don't have an IG capable phone yet, it was a blessing to have discovered some accounts worth following. More than just photos, random inspiring lines are what has been making me engaged in it.
The photo above is among those thoughts that hit me hard. It was simple but profound and powerful. At one point, I was brought back to a particular task almost 10 years ago. In the midst of the news of my schoolmate C's passing, one of my professors engaged us in an activity wherein she asked us to write how we would remember each person in the room.
"When a person dies, people around them tend to remember the good side of being human. That's reflection" That was how my former sociology professor said it. And going back to that activity, I could just now recall what I wrote for about 4 (out of the 30 or 40) colleagues: one who'll be a fashion designer, a female colleague who would be a pastor giving out "kick ass" sermons, another who has the potential to make it to PMA (as she used to be an ROTC officer and akala ko kasi tomboy sya noon) and another classmate who, I wrote, would be a politician's wife.
It was actually fun discovering and hearing how we perceived how each of us could possibly become. Some were serious, some were funny. But no one dared to write the negative about anyone -- not even to me. While no one described me to be someone who'll end up with somebody, they were right on target describing me for the nerdy girl that I am. To the point that someone wrote that I am the human counterpart of Google. I've expected them to pinpoint the negative as that's how I see myself -- the reserved, suplada girl who'd pass the role of a villainess.
It's been years since we did that class activity and things changed -- the same as the people and the descriptions. Classmate 1 now works for an NGO, Classmate 2 became a graphic artist with a witty son (who, I think would be an ass kicker heir to her throne someday), Classmate 3 is not a soldier but is now a mom of one and while Classmate 4 did not end up with the politician, she married a guy who she described as her "perfect match".
And except for age, I don't know how they look at me now. I'd like to think it still is the same. I know that people would possibly talk shit about me when I die. It's inevitable as everyone has their own opinions which they are entitled to. I have always perceived myself to be that suplada girl, and if I do have kindness left in me, I don't want to say it myself. I just leave it in my prayer to let others hopefully see them if they do, and if they think it to be (of me).
Because save for a few musts on the list and doctors appointments together with the work week that went for two days, this week has been one of those breeziest periods ever. And this one has been playing in my head for countless times today. Not to forget that payday has to be moved earlier because 15th is on a Sunday.
Now, who says Friday the 13th (always) spells bad luck? It's going to be a weekend too, so who's not excited.
I don't know how many times have I heard these lines from someone:
"Love is a wonderful feeling. It should not be put to waste."
I never thought that in the face of grief, love will find a way to shine such a ray of light. At least not until four months ago. In that phone conversation, in between the sound of my sobs, I found the courage to say these words that I don't normally tell people.
HIM:
Don't thank me for being by your side at this difficult time. At least not for now. You're in grief and it's inappropriate to say thank you. (I don't get it but apparently he said it's more of a superstition)
ME:
You don't want me to thank you? Why? You don't want me to hear say "Thank you". But what do you want me to tell you? I love you?
Yes, instead of ending it with the usual period, I said it with a question mark. Not declarative but interrogative. There was split second silence from both of us after I said those words but I was quick abort the topic and divert the conversation. At one point I felt fine, even relieved that I said something I knew I should not be shy nor afraid about.
And if there were two things I realized about myself, it would be: 1)I love you is a powerful word. Never regret saying it; and 2) I am not much of a coward contrary to what I have always thought myself to be -- at least at times.
Now, if God would give me another chance to say those words to the same person, I won't hesitate doing it again.
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| The daily grind. But life's better here! |
I have been married to my job for a year, six months and a day as of this writing. 18 months of doing the routine but I never felt like it's been that long. This morning, I received another phone call in the middle of a busy day from the boss. Apparently, he had to remind me over something because if it was not brought to my attention, I would have unknowingly failed a protocol. It was not the "reprimand over the phone" conversation though, but more of a reminder. It's one of the good qualities of my boss. I believe I have been lucky to have been with them for a year and a half now. I guess he does not believe in "humiliating people" as a form of discipline as I have always perceived him as someone "diplomatic" in everything. One of the things that kept me sticking to the job happy and content.
And just when I thought the first conversation was it, I again received a phone call from him to hear these words:
"You know what that means? That only means that you're indispensable to us now. When we did not have you yet, things were difficult. And whenever you are not around, everyone gets worried. You make things easy for us."
