At first, I was caught up in disbelief thinking that the death of Cory Monteith (or as everyone knew to be Finn Hudson from Glee) was probably just a hoax. But this morning, this, just like a wildfire is all over the news.

Sadly, it's not a joke, but a painful, surprising truth. And I am at a loss for words. He's only 31; he might have achieved a lot more than what he has on his plate today. His career and life shows promise if not for the unexpected arrival of the inevitable, and the cause of which is yet to be identified.

It just makes me think and I couldn't help but ask: I'm 28 now. Does time really drift away this fast? Sometimes, I wish I just knew the answer.

If you have been reading my blog, you probably know about what I do for a living too; and while working in a law firm meant wearing suits, blazers, pencil skirts and stilettos, mine's the opposite. Given that I am in Manila and almost everyone's overseas, my boss isn't that strict with dress codes.

If not for telling people my line of work, no one would believe me because I dress like a PA (personal assistant). If you will raid my closet, you will find that it contained nothing but shirts. Yes. I always go to work everyday in T-shirt, denim jeans and sneakers. And while a little black dress (or an LBD as they call it) should be among the staple find in every girl's wardrobe, unfortunately, it's something that you could not find in mine. For one, given that I am skinny, the color black will simply emphasize being payat even if it could be neutralized by the fair color of my skin.

But if the color black does not work, the good thing is white outfits do. It's a good one that social functions aren't occupying my calendar so I don't see dressing up to be a problem. I only wear whites whenever necessary as the color itself is a bit high maintenance (read: being stain friendly is a not an apt description) I have two favorite white outfits which I wear if the event (or in some cases the whether) permits me to. 

While I have had this dress for almost three years, I only got to wear this three times; during my 26th birthday, when I went to Mass last June 30 (pictured above with my friend) and during dinner with some office mates from the firm three weeks back. Maybe that's the good thing about being payat too. I get to be thrifty with clothes -- which works to my advantage, I guess. 

This one was my recent purchase from Bench. I was at a hunt for another white outfit and after scouting stores in SM Megamall (all of which were of futile attempt), the style I wanted happened to be in the department store itself. I got this from Bench at PhP 699. The blouse could be worn either long-sleeved or style to appear as a three-fourth sleeved. I'd say I got my money's worth. 

I realized I looked good in white so I am thinking of investing in a few pieces of it to my wardrobe; just for a change. After all I've been donning the same shirt-jeans ensemble to work daily for years, it's about time I experiment.

*This entry can also be found on my Facebook page.

A few days ago, as I arrived home from work, I was greeted by an uncommon compliment from one of my neighbors.

“Uy, alam mo, blooming ka lately. Sino’ng reason nyan?”

It caused me to feel both a bit uneasy and frankly, surprised. I find it too common that when people see you with that “blooming look” they always tend follow it with “who” (of all the 4W’s or just the 1H). And before I get fully lost in translation and give an incorrect answer, I was quick to pick up the word to say and simply responded that it was all because of work. But seriously, when I think of it, work is only among them. I actually have a few reasons (or should I say advice) on how I reached this wonderful, unnoticed change:

So there. To answer the question, in my case, the blooming aura does not always need to be from "who". For me, it has a lot of sources and not just confined to the concept of that “one particular person”. As there are many factors aside from that mystery guy.

For the longest time,  I've discreetly known this place to be cold, dark and silent. You cannot blame me. After all, this silent piece of ground kept some of the loneliest things in my memory. I've watched the rain and greeted the sun from here every single time but there was never a day that I would be reminded how this place was once a steady witness to the words I failed to say, the tears I never thought I'd shed and the desolation I never imagined I would go through.

I've tried ignoring this place hoping to forget that at one point, it witnessed how someone left me (badly) broken, after realizing that sometimes, some things could not be saved, despite every effort. Yes, it welcomed me home daily but to me, it's just that. Plain as it should.

Just nights ago, in the middle of the night, I found myself sitting here, in the darkness of the late evening.As I took delight in the comfort of silence, it made me realize, for long that was how I described this place to be. It may have taken a long while for me to know, but it was now I became aware of something:

That in the place where I once saw myself broken, shall be the same piece of earth where I will find myself whole again.

A month has passed since this note was penned on my schedule. It was one the days I have long waited for and while all my thoughts were about going on a temporary hiatus and isolating myself from the noise and stresses of daily life, it was also in the afternoon on very same date I found an unanswered phone call from you.

Yes, it puzzled me for days as to why you had to do that. I tried to probe for a reply but I only got a vague, one-lined response. Then today, while crossing the street, I unexpectedly recalled our conversation and how you advised me against traveling on my own. I had resolved that you deemed that reason due to my physical detriment. But you said "because a woman like you should not be left alone".  To be honest, I found your reason to be genuine.

At that moment, I wished I could say sorry for I could have worried you with such "selfish dare" of leaving. But what you stated was something I never expected to hear. And when I think of it now, and patch the events from a month ago, I realize those were not a hypothetical thing after all. 

Because this morning, without even trying to figure it out, I now get it.

Exactly a year ago, I remember having this lengthy conversation with a friend who I got reconnected with after years of not seeing each other (okay, technically, I tend to meet him but during the most unexpected times). It was a lengthy exchange that started from talking about another colleague who, at that time, just got married. After a few more jokes of me, hoping to catch the bouquet and him telling me that I'd be the next to get hitched, I just found myself expressing a somewhat negative response about finding The One. 

Fast forward to a year, I was browsing my timeline and came across this old post. These days, while I try to be politically-correct when I talk to this friend, I admit that I failed to realize something then when I wrote that comment. I generalized. It was now that I found out, it could be true that not all guys really aren't equal. Just weeks ago, when I remembered about this post, a little voice (let's call it CONSCIENCE) was telling me this:

"You kept saying good men (and those hubby-material types) are difficult to encounter, if not non-existent these days. But haven't you thought, who are you talking to and what kind of person he could be? Come to think of it."

Yeah, yeah. I get it. It was like a loud whack on my head. I (over) generalized without even thinking that hey,  the person I was exchanging opinions, for one, with IS A GUY TOO. And given that I've known him for long, he has the right to be an isolated example and be spared from those "rotten" ones. Lesson learned: Sometimes, whenever you insist to stand firm on a certain conviction, God still has His way of telling you, "hey kid, I can prove you're wrong".