Zone of Solitude

Part of the tasks that I carry out in my current job as a planning coordinator is collating quarterly accomplishment reports from different offices. And by accomplishments, those would include various events being held in the workplace, or those activities that are either organized by or participated by the students and our personnel.

About a week ago, I decided to give this process of gathering accomplishments a different approach by deciding to drop by one of the planned events for May. After being invited by one of the organizers, I opted to swing by the the opening of the exhibit entitled Kasarian-Kasarinlan which is currently on display at Giant Dwarf Art Space which is just a mere 15-minute drive from my residence.

Kasarian-Kasarinlan is an event spearheaded by the Gender and Development Unit of the University of Rizal System Angono campus in collaboration with the students from the Bachelor of Fine Arts Major in Visual Communication of the College of Arts and Letters. I personally knew one of the proponents of the event, Prof. Rodler Villalon as he is a friend of my younger brother when they were both taking up Fine Arts at Far Eastern University.

While visiting museums, galleries, and art exhibits out of whim is not new to me, to be present to this event seemed to be a breathe of fresh air of some sorts. Not only because it was an accepted invitation from a colleague (and common friend), but because this type of affair allowed me to observe not only an activity involving a unit that I often deal with, but also gave me with a chance to be acquainted with some socially-relevant issues. In this case, it's in relation to matters, and concerns surrounding the members of the LGBTQIA community, and how they ardently long for gender independence, and probably, acceptance; because whether we admit it or not, we still live in a society where individuals belonging to this group are still scrutinized by many with raised eyebrows.

While some of my colleagues advised me that attending events for the sake of the reports isn't really important, I suppose giving in to my lakwatsera whims and combining it with a bit of work every now and then isn't a bad idea either. When my schedule and free time permit, I know I must get out into the world every now and then. It was also my first time at Giant Dwarf during the exhibit's opening day, and by being present in one of my colleagues' event, I not only ended up discovering a new place, but it also provided me with the opportunity to learn about how people who belonged to this unique community rally their advocacies, fight for, and communicate their beliefs and choices through a medium in which they excel -- visual arts.

You can still visit Kasarian-Kasarinlan art exhibit until June 4, 2023 at Giant Dwarf Art Space located at 015 Manila East Road Hi-way corner Dona Justa Street, Brgy. San Roque, Angono, Rizal. The gallery is open Tuesday to Friday, from 10 am to 5 pm.

I was planning on going out to take advantage of my long weekend break, but the insanely hot weather is making me sluggish, so I decided to stay home and catch up on the items I wrote in my drafts folder instead.

Last year for my birthday, I bought myself the book Getting to You. However, I only had time to read it in the last few weeks of January. This is the third book I've read by author Jonaxx and the second book in the Azucarera de Altagracia trilogy.

The book focuses on Sancha Alcazar, the daughter of one of the wealthiest azucarera owners in the fictional town of Altagracia, and Alonzo Salvaterra, a guy who, despite coming from a well-to-do family, works as an employee for the Alcazars and has always had a crush on Sancha. When a simple gesture turned into a scandal, everyone assumed it was all Alonzo's fault, and he loses everything he has worked for. Years later, their paths would cross again, but the question is if time would be able to cure the wounds of the past, and whether Sancha's confession and remorse will be enough to reconcile and compensate for what Alonzo lost.

Because the pacing was a little slow at first, it took me months to finish this book. On the other hand, I'm sure the author had that in mind on purpose, given that the novel begins with characters in high school and another about to enter college. The novel's setting gave me insight into the lives of azucarera employees and what it was like to be part of a wealthy family in the Visayas (since the book's setting references many places, activities, and routines related to the province of Negros).

But I guess it was still a good decision that I read the book all the way through. Aside from figuring out how the story progressed from one chapter to the next, I realized that while shy, torpe characters in fiction may appear uninteresting and boring at first, they can actually make a reader's heart flutter, similar to how guys do it in real life. And, in this day and age of "instant everything" (including romantic relationships), Getting to You approached the subject of slow burn romance in such a way that it truly showed how the characters developed. And perhaps it is one of the positive aspects about it. Slow burn romance in fiction increases reality by providing readers a perspective of how things happen organically, as near to how things might happen in real life as possible.

Despite the fact that this novel has 40 chapters, I want to mark it as a reading achievement completed on my reading list. The story's romance element was just right. And, despite being labeled as a book for readers aged 18 and up, there isn't much "adult content" in this book compared to Jonaxx's other books that I've read previously. And, to be honest, I was okay not reading any of it with Getting to You since, in my opinion, adult stuff isn't necessarily necessary to make romance fiction truly romantic. The love element may even appear in the form of an epilogue written from a male perspective – even if it comes from the most timid (read: torpe) guy on the planet.

Due to the recent Holy Week and the observance of Day of Valor, I will be on vacation till today. With the jobs I've had in the past, I've been acquainted to celebrating numerous national holidays of other countries. But this is actually the first extended vacation I've had in years because the institution I am working for now follows Philippine holidays.

Given that it has been months since I last posted to this blog, I considered utilizing the holiday break to catch up on blogging. Instead of writing another text-heavy piece, I'll let the pictures tell you what happened to me during the first three months of the year and what kept me away from this blog.

When my appointment took effect in January, I relocated to a new office. I previously had an office in the space used by the campus SPM coordinator, but when I received my designation at the beginning of this year, I was also moved to the office that went along with it. Funny thing is, even though I refer to it as a "new office," it's not really new. Since this was once the location of the campus publication, where I worked from 2001 to 2005 as section editor before becoming editor-in-chief in my final year.

In spite of my busy schedule in February, I managed to accept requests that involved proofreading and editing. People thought my enthusiasm was strange, but I didn't mind doing it because, despite their belief that the activity is typically a tedious chore, I actually find it to be exciting. In addition, for some reason, the act of marking and correcting sentences and paragraphs in order to produce a sensible manuscript actually helps to calm my mind. I'm aware that it's unusual, but for me, that's how it goes.

Like last year, I continued reading books and keeping a reading list during the first three months of this year. Unexpectedly, the majority of the novels I've finished reading were written by local authors. Just a few weeks ago, I finished reading Getting to You by Jonaxx, and this quarter, I intend to read Two by Two by Nicholas Sparks, which was a gift from a graduating student in February.

Still on the subject of books, I went above and beyond and pulled off some "ninja moves" by surprising Colleen with a copy of It Ends With Us, a book written by Colleen Hoover (coincidentally, the author is her namesake, how cool is that, right?). She was the one who made a kind gesture by giving me a book written by my favorite author. Since some of the famous people I follow on Instagram read and discuss the aforementioned author's books, I am already familiar with Colleen Hoover and her work. The difficulty I had in locating a copy of the book in the bookstore that I frequently visit suggests that she is a very talented author. Fortunately, copies are still available in the Fully Booked online store, so I bought one from there.

After deciding to take in and sort of adopt our neighbor's abandoned cat, I recently became a fur mom. We haven't had a pet in our home in a long time, and while having a pet is a fantastic stress reliever, I initially felt a little worried about our new pet's appearance because its eyes are a different hue. It's fortunate that my friend Miguel is a cat dad and is experienced with cats and these kind of issues since he was able to explain this situation to me.

Just in March, I saw myself beginning another endeavor. After drafting my first story on Wattpad for two years, I made the decision to sit down and begin drafting a second one. But the book I'm presently working on is not a sequel to The Seventh Secret Wish, which I wrote back in 2021, despite what some of my friends thought. The story I'm working on currently features a different cast of people with a different conflict and plot, as I'm already satisfied with how things turned out for the characters Migo and Valerie. But in contrast to my first story, which I finished in four months, this one will take some time to finish because I now have to juggle it with other things.

I had the opportunity to experience what it was like to be an auditee during the internal audit for ISO recertification only two months into my current position. The phrase "there's always a first time" from my former classmate Joy brought up memories of the experience for me. I must admit that it was quite nerve-wracking for a newbie, but the good thing was, my coworkers were there to support me when I needed assistance with a variety of things.

This quarter alone, my body rebelled against me a number of times. I must accept that I am also at fault. People around me kept advising to take things slowly, but I insisted that I needed to learn everything at once. I believed that would be the move I needed to make in order to save my job, but it turned out to be a really bad decision. All that worrying and even showing up for work about three times with essentially no sleep had a negative effect on me. I gave in and took that compensatory time off to get the relaxation and sleep I needed after going through a pretty trying experience during the ISO internal audit. And if there was one thing I learned after that "physiological backfire" that I experienced, it's the importance of listening to the screams of your own body. Being competitive all the time is not always a good idea, and if you keep pushing yourself to your own limits, your body will punish you for it.

The need for a work-life balance is something I've recently realized too. Because of this, I deliberately carve out time for impromptu, unplanned meetups with friends and colleagues, both old and new. Spending time with people in your "proximal zone" can actually be beneficial, whether it's merely a last-minute invitation for coffee or a two-hour convo over dinner. And sometimes, indulging in conversations is the ideal remedy when I need to get hold of the clarity and mental respite especially during those mentally-draining and toxic moments, because honestly, with all that has happened, and given the nature of my work, it's not always roses and confetti-filled days.

Tomorrow is the start of another workweek. That implies a fresh set of duties to complete, and perhaps, because it's also the start of another quarter, it'll be filled with lessons worth considering. I know it won't be all rose-colored glasses, but I'm hoping to learn a thing or two with what I will face in the second quarter.

This blog post was supposed to be filed under What Made My November but the endeavor of returning back to the workforce after almost three years occupied a lot of my time and kept me busy the past month so I only had the chance to create this post just now – when we only have a few more weeks left before December ends. While it’s enticing to report about how my life is doing lately career-wise, that one deserves a separate post and I am saving it for a more suitable day. For now, this post will have to be all about art and an exciting reunion.

Despite being from the Art Capital of the Philippines, I confess I am not really an art enthusiast. But lately, going to a few art exhibits to check out art works has been a routine that I’ve been doing. If you are a reader who also follows me on Instagram, you will see a few art-related posts there of various exhibits. When one of my longtime friends, Elizabeth Castillo sent me a heads up and invited me to an exhibit in the nearby town of Cainta, I didn’t hesitate and immediately said yes.

Now, I know that's an awkward pose! But next to seeing her work in the said exhibit, I also took that as a chance to be reunited with Beth. We were colleagues in two of our previous jobs as freelance writers and ESL teachers, and the last time we saw each other was around 11 years ago. Of course, attending the exhibit is also my way of supporting her with her newfound love of the visual arts.

The exhibit was participated by the artists of ARTipolo and was held at Daburu Ramen which is located inside Village East Executive Homes in Cainta. Last month's trip to Cainta was my first time to visit Village East again after my ESL teaching stint for an English academy ended sometime in 2009. Next to the ramen that Daburu is known for, what I loved about the place is the interior design with all the artworks that adorned the venue. Literally a feast for your senses!

Next to seeing various artworks, it was nice to have left my neck of woods for a few hours for this weekend adventure. The occasion paved the way for me to meet new people (such as those folks who I only see on tarpaulins during election season) and listen to their two cents worth of advice and wisdom. In this case, it was the words of one of the guests, Professor Bienvenido Araw which I found to be resounding, I had it saved on the notes section of my phone.

Art is a snapshot of your experience.

I can’t help but agree. Such apply not only to those engaged in visual arts but for those in other art forms – and especially true to those who dabbled in literature as some writers use their own experience as part of their works.

But the highlight of this meetup was to be reunited with Beth who I haven’t seen in ages! What was originally a reunion scheduled for September during the opening of Pakig-Angay 2.0 at Blanco Art Gallery materialized two months later. And it was a reunion that was worth the wait because aside from discussing Beth’s art-related engagements, we had the chance to catch up with our personal whatabouts as well!

Next to an art-filled adventure, Beth surprised me with a belated birthday present which is now a prized gem that sits in a spot within my bedroom and mini-office library: a painting called Moonlight Sonata which she painted herself!

Funny but after catching up with Beth, I was left with the thought that 2022 seemed to be my "reunion year" because I've observed that every month, I've been having catch up sessions with people and friends that I haven't seen for years! Well, there's still days left before December and the year 2022 ends, and I just hope that the Universe will save the best for last. If you're looking for a place worth visiting during the holiday break, Artipolo's exhibit will run until Jan. 14, 2023 at Daburu Ramen located at #4 Champ Street Village Easty Cainta, Rizal.

Due to some events happening in the past month, I failed to write the traditional birthday post on this blog as I have always done in recent years.

But as they say, better late than pregnant…I mean, never.

So yes, I turned 38 more than a month ago. And given that I have been busy attending to several things from personal ones to those related to a new chapter that I am about to take, I failed to give time to my writing.

We just had a simple celebration at home. Just a few days ago, I remember watching an Instagram reel from one of the content creators that I currently follow, Macoy Dubs about the reality of getting older, and some of the things he stated in that video apply to me at the moment.

One is the reality that as you get older, you tend to be picky with people you share company with. Your circle of friends shrinks. This year, with the easing of restrictions, in-person parties are now possible. Next to my family (plus my brother’s in-laws), and despite the decision to celebrate at home, I marked my 38th with Ma’am Cez, her plus one, and her daughter, Ciljon. I don’t know when it all started but we have regarded this gesture of having each other during birthday celebrations as a tradition. Unfortunately, due to a few job-related concerns, her husband Jonathan did not make it to my birthday this year.

There’s nothing fancy about my birthday celebration this year. Except for that spontaneous decision of buying and wearing a birthday hat, I spent my birthday sharing a delicious birthday meal cooked by Mama with my visitors over a tummy-aching (and not to forget, loud and candid) conversation.

There was nothing much with how I celebrated this year as I preferred it to be observed in simplicity and silence. I guess it's one of the things getting old has inflicted me with. Ayoko na ng masyadong magulo, matao at maingay. I am at this point in life where things related to midlife (and maybe soon, old age) are starting to wave at me, from maintenance meds to those aches and pains.

So despite that, I am thankful to be lucky enough to reach this age. I guess I'll just continue to live my life in the way I want it. To do things at my own pace; to prioritize my peace of mind and sanity and pursue the things that will make me happy instead of living it depending on what others dictate to me.

I really can't remember the last time I did a "ramen with the girls" type of bonding session.

As I type this post, the lines "you win some, you lose some is running in my head. Despite some positive developments happening in my career the past few weeks, I must admit that I am also going through a rough patch on the personal side of things.

And I won't deny that it's hard -- or should I say, exhausting.

But if there's something that's somehow keeping my sanity intact aside from holding myself in the four corners of my personal space, and writing my thoughts down, it is the presence of friends who came to my aid when I was discreetly screaming for help.

Kim, Beth and I formed an unexpected friendship because of Wattpad and our love for writing. But they are among the few friends that I have who I can compare to Santa's Little Helpers. While we don't get to see each other as often as we wanted, I believe we have each other's backs especially on a number of things. Their presence have been really helpful for me for a number of times, especially when situations are hard and exhausting for me.

I want to believe that writers are not just good at telling stories. Having writers as trusted friends, I can attest that they are also great listeners -- something which became helpful for me especially with what I am going through in the last few days. I don't mind if my set of friends is starting to shrink together with my age, because after all, in that small circle are the genuine and trusted ones. As one becomes older, the infamous line "quality over quantity" becomes a line to live by. When I told them the situation I am in, I was already fine with communicating with them virtually. But what made a part of me melt was when they both messaged me on our group chat asking if I can wait for them at the mall where I was so the they can keep me company as I talk (or should I say vent) it out while we bond over coffee.

What they did reminds me of a line I once heard from a stranger: When someone is important to you, you don't find time. You make time.

While we were together for just two and a half-hours, it was a meaningful bonding session as we did a lot of "Tita things"; from chatting over coffee, trying out ramen, grocery shopping to celebrating the upcoming development in my worklife which took the backseat for almost three years. While we started out unconventionally, they've been with me in both the fun times and the tough ones. Their presence, even for more than a couple of hours allowed me to escape the toxic situation at home that has been drowning me for days now. I do hope that in time, I can make it up to them and I get do the same gestures that they did for me when I was dealing with my own struggles.

MABUHAY!

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