Archive for 2024

I am drafting this blog post while everyone at home is asleep. I'm taking this quiet time to finally write, as this is the only moment I have to pour out and process the thoughts that have been filling up my introverted mind for weeks.

As I try to write this final post for 2024, I try to think about all the things that transpired for me this year, and it's quite a lot. The photos I had both on my Instagram page and my Google Drive narrated just a few shots and snippets of my year. Well, part of me said this year was a good one, but there were also a few instances where I failed on a few things too.

While I discovered interesting pursuits like getting hooked on the printed versions of Wattpad stories that young adults these days talk about, watching its on-screen adaptations, and getting acquainted with new ventures, and marked a number of milestones, such as conquering my first lecturer/trainer gig, celebrating my 40th birthday, and having another "guest appearance" during the Quest for Journ's Best during the MIL Week, I had to be honest in saying that 2024 wasn't really a year seen in rose-colored glasses.

This year pushed me to unexpectedly conquer something and take a risk, not once but three times. Yes, it may seem to be an achievement at first given that I am really not a risk-taker for such a long time, but sadly, despite giving it a shot (and even got good results) it ended with a plot twist: heartbreak. It was a kind of heartbreak that almost left me hitting rock bottom that happened a month ago. I won't go into further details as I am still in the process of recovering and trying to put the broken pieces of myself together.

If there is one good thing that got uncovered out of this emotionally painful ordeal, it's how the the gift of friendship existed despite the distance. I am just thankful that I have friends who were always ready to listen, especially during the first few weeks of my ordeal. Their presence during that painful and difficult period somehow helped me to stay afloat, particularly during the days when I felt so consumed by the loneliness and disappointment that what I just wanted to do was cry my heart out.

While the days preceding New Year's Day are usually devoted creating a new batch of plans and resolutions, I want to postpone mine for maybe a few weeks. I don't intend to make a lot of new year resolutions as I want to concentrate on certain "targets" that I know I can really achieve. After all, making resolutions and accomplishing them can still hit me anytime within the year—not just on the first day of the new year. And plans and resolutions can be compared to creating a restaurant menu. More often than not, a longer list creates confusion and chaos, which depletes its purpose of guiding a person on how he/she wants to efficiently utilize the next 365 days.

Just as the idea of my poem states, there are things, people, and memories that I am certain I want to leave behind in 2024 and no longer bring to the new year. And there are aspirations and plans that I hope to achieve too, but I want to keep those for myself, raise them to God in prayer, and silently try my best to work in any way I can in achieving them.

In my previous post, I mentioned receiving an unexpected bouquet of flowers. While common birthday bouquets come in the form of either red or pink roses, the one that I got was something I consider unusual -- because those were pink gerberas.

I won't be ashamed to admit. I haven't received flowers in ages. The last time that it happened was back when I was still in my senior year in college when I became an awardee during the Recognition ceremony of my alma mater. But contrary to the usual elated reaction, there were just two emotions that I felt when I saw the bouquet on my bed: fear and confusion.

I felt scared for a moment because it reminded me of a scene in a story I wrote for Wattpad three years back. I admit that I had goosebumps after realizing that this scene that's supposed to stay as part of a work of fiction was suddenly brought to life.

The only difference? The one in fiction had the courage to somehow reveal his identity.

In the midst of confusion, guests and family members who were present during my birthday dinner had their wild guesses. From the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me more than a decade ago, the politician that kept tagging me as his "friendly plus one" to gatherings back when I was still a paralegal, to this person that I met during the first half of the year.

I had my own "person of interest", but I wanted to put the guessing game to rest so I went to check the card that came with the flowers. But it was an attempt that gave me a negative result because not a single clue could be found in it.

I allowed a few days to pass, but last Friday, I took the courage to send a message to the store where the flowers came from. Knowing how messages can just be ignored, it was a long shot at best. But prior to hitting send, I have decided that I'll be okay regardless of the response (that is if I'll ever get one).

It only took a few minutes for the store answered my inquiry. And what I got were these words:

The flower shop even sent me a copy of the transaction slip to support their reply, and it really appears that the sender is keen to remain anonymous. Of course, for a moment, my heart sank given that even this last attempt to try to resolve something failed. I just left another message if they could pass on my words of thanks to the person who did the floral arrangement after thanking the staff for their reply. After all, the said surprise gift was indeed beautiful.

While I may have failed to get the result I wanted despite exhausting all effort, and ways that I can think of, I realized that some things are still worth a shot -- even if you are unsure of what the result would be. Never be ashamed to ask for help when you need it because the world is full of people who are willing to come to your aid -- even through strangers that you haven't met. One should not be scared to give things a try, because unless you try, ask, and act on something, the answer is always going to be "no". I learned that if you don't give in to courage, you won't be able to put those "what ifs" to rest. For now, I am content in knowing that I've done what I could while counting on the lines said by one of the characters from the story that I wrote.

The answers that you need will present themselves at the right time.

And I could attest that there's truth in those words.

Reagan Bear stayed up late too to keep me company and welcome my birthday!

I didn't immediately realize that I am writing this proof of life post almost two months late. A lot has been happening lately on the home front and with my day-to-day whereabouts that I have been busy almost daily. But just like the candid line that I've heard a long time ago (and once told a colleague), "better late than ~~pregnant~~ never!"

Anyway, I am glad (and kinda proud) to say that I officially turned 40 almost two weeks ago. Lately, there still are days when I couldn't even believe that I've already reached this age. When I was just 18, I wondered if I will still be alive to see myself reach the age of 30. And just days after I finally hit the big 3-0, the next thing I thought of was how life's going to be like for me at 40.

And a decade later, I finally arrived to that part.

While 40 is a considered as a milestone to celebrate, I did mine in just a rather quiet and simple fashion. Nothing grand. In fact, despite being the celebrant, I was still running an errand a couple of hours before the celebration. There were no gifts to mark the occasion either -- well, except for that beautiful bouquet of pink gerberas that was sent by someone who prefers to remain anonymous. It was just a dinner party with my family (which was even more memorable because my late dad's last two surviving siblings, who I refer to as the Canadian Aunties, are in the country!) and the people that mattered and has been with me for years.

In between the happy conversations, I was silently trying to recall what life brought me in my 30s to bring me to where I am now. From beginning that era with the offer to be a guest speaker to a younger batch of graduating students, passing one of the most difficult exams in the country, pondering about life and loss, experiencing and surviving life during a global health pandemic, and taking that courageous step to give things another try, I must admit that it was a good one. It may not be all about celebrations, but the last 10 years was a good mix of struggles, triumphs, grief, lessons, and meaningful experiences.

As I blew the candles on my birthday cake weeks ago, my friend Jonathan joked that my wish this year appears to be that significant dahil ang tagal ko daw hipan ang kandila! But to be honest, in the last three years that I celebrated my birthday, I really did not have any particular wish in mind. And maybe, it's part of the process of getting old. You learn to value peace and quiet. Be content and fine with what you have, trust the process, and just let life surprise you. Anyway, the Lord already knew the desires of my heart. After all, it has always been among the things that I've been praying for. Right now, I intend to use this new chapter to begin new adventures, collect more core memories, and hopefully, live a life of meaning and purpose.

A few days after giving the lecture on editorial and opinion column writing during the school publication adviser's training at Angono National High School, I was notified again by URS Angono extension unit head, Ma'am Annie Balbuena that another lecture in the same venue is on the works. This time, the session will be for the elementary and high school students who are part of different school publications.

I just made some clarification with Ma'am Annie on a few things about the event before preparing for my talk, which was more relaxed this time. And since I mentioned the importance of knowing your audience (or readers) during my previous lecture, I only did a few revisions on the material that I used a week before to make it relevant to the new batch of attendees.

Talk about relaxed from the discussion to the outfit -- because this is just a repeat :-D

I arrived to a room full of 126 students on the morning of September 19, but this number was eventually split into different groups. I want to believe that there was a reason as to why my schedule for the lecture fell on a Thursday; because while I sat on the designated area for guest speakers (my mentor, Ma'am Cez Rañola-Villegas was also scheduled to give a talk on feature writing that day), looking at the students as they settle in their seats left me with a thought running in my head.

These kids were just like me back then.

My lecture with the students were done in 45 minutes, and it was fun and interesting. I also used a "question and answer" segment and it showed the competitive side of the kids. While a great number of participants were first timers, there were also quite a few who were attentive and had an idea of what was being discussed. However, when we reached the competition part, that was when the other realizations started sinking in.

I had to raise an issue with the entries and informed one of the organizers that we could not declare a winner for the elementary category in editorial writing; because of this, the participants had to be called back the next day for another round of competition.

I took this photo with the hopes that after an hour, there will finally be a winner.

Repeating the competition meant a return appearance for me the next day. As I observed these elementary campus journalists while doing their task (after having to redo the explaining, and providing them with a different contest material), next to thinking about a few shortcomings that I may have overlooked the day before, the message sent by one of my former staff writers, Michael Ray hit me:

The challenge now is how to teach journalism to young minds and instill it to them in this age where they are more exposed to using social media instead of spending time to read a newspaper.

And he was right. At the start of my lecture the day before, I had to hide my disappointment when only a student from the crowd raised a hand after I asked who among them still reads a newspaper. The problem about being too immersed in technology and social media further became evident when I saw how some students view current events. Unlike high school students who can somehow grasp the idea of editorial and opinion column articles, discussing the same topic to a younger group of elementary students is challenging and would entail an amount of patience.

One of them even labelled journalists as "expert gossip mongers" (or in simple terms, chismoso) in his/her contest entry which made me to candidly think for a moment that maybe, I should just sell my college diploma.

But on a more serious note, while a few of my friends were proud and happy with what I have done and accomplished, the need to educate young minds on the importance of verifying facts, and being aware about issues involving the country and its citizen in this time of rampant AI and social media dependency is a serious matter. This is a "chief complaint" that needs to be taken seriously, and addressed attentively because next to the elderly population, the young mind is prone to being a prey to twisted truths and false information.

Despite the unforeseen situation that occurred, I was just happy to have done my part of imparting my skills, time, and expertise in shaping the minds of these aspiring campus journalists. And if I should be invited again to another opportunity similar to this one, I would still respond with a resounding yes -- and I aim to do better; because by doing these talks and lectures, I am not just teaching kids about the importance of the profession. It also gives me a significant purpose.

(Photos courtesy of Sir Bernard Jaz Bautista Sanchez and Ms. Maria Cecilia R. Villegas)

In between my busy schedule related to campus journalism activities, the other thing that occupied my calendar this month is attending to a few important events. Just days before my speaking engagement for the training of school publication advisers in a public high school, I got an invitation from Jonas Flores, the president of Tanay Kapamilya Lions Club to one of their activities, a community awareness talk related to maintenance medications and generic prescribing scheduled for September 15.

I am not a newbie when it comes to attending to community involvement activities. As a former legal administrative assistant, I also spent a good number of years volunteering in outreach projects, and was once a part of a group in a disaster relief mission. What made me decide to go to the said event was the chance to learn something new, especially since the topic relates to allied health science which is one of the things that I have always been interested about (that's despite of graduating with a degree in journalism).

Accepting the invitation turned out to be one of the most appropriate decisions I made this month. After the candid story on how the Lions Club got mentioned for an editorial of commendation during my lecture, I knew that I have to be at least, be acquainted on the advocacies of the said non-governmental organization.

In my lecture with the student paper advisers, one of the significant things that I reminded the participants was the importance of doing their research, and verifying the accuracy of the "facts". I stressed the significance of being aware of the issues and the knowledge of facts as vital traits, and by being present in the community awareness talk, I could say that at least, I got to practice what I preach.

To sit inside a classroom on a Sunday morning gave me that nostalgic feeling of how it's like to be a student again. Listening to Ms. Jennifer Flores, and Young Pharmacists Group-Rizal Chapter president, Carl Vincent Guiao discuss the facts and myths surrounding generic medicines allowed me to gain a great amount of information. Coming across Republic Act No. 6675 informed about an existing law on generic drugs in the country. It's a good addition to my stock knowledge because I must admit, I'm quite familiar with just a few of our legal codes (including R.A 7610, R.A. 9262, and R.A. 6713 due to my previous job in a state-funded institution).

Even in the advent of social media, community awareness talks remain to be relevant. To receive information that is backed by science from registered professionals who spent a good number of years to study, and pursue a career in healthcare is still the best choice compared to those unverified (and often) twisted facts found the internet. The educational environment that these kinds of events have enable participants to make informed decisions, since their concerns and questions are better addressed and explained in simpler terms -- that's something that social media or even AI-powered tools could not even do no matter how advanced those platforms are.

Don't just travel for travel's sake. Travel to seek adventure and feel alive.

I could not recall the last time that I traveled to any destination for the sake of leisure and exploration. So, as soon as I accomplished my resource speaker duties last September 13, I took the weekend off to catch up on sleep, and reward myself with a solo out of town trip last September 15.

I chose to travel to Tanay for a couple of other reasons: First was to escape the familiarity of the place where I am in, and to reciprocate someone's effort after braving the distance of having to travel for two hours just to see me in person a month ago.

The last time I visited was in January 2020 -- just months before the pandemic placed the entire world at a full stop from everything. But even if four years have passed, this return trip never failed to give off that "probinsya feels". At some point, it provided me with that nostalgic feeling of driving to my dad's hometown in Quezon province with all the sights and sounds of the surroundings.

I left Angono at 6:30 am because the travel time would take a couple of hours. I also wanted to arrive on time because I committed my morning schedule to attend an activity organized by a non-governmental organization in that town.

Mandatory photo at San Ildefonso de Toledo Parish

My first stop was at the town's church, San Ildefonso de Toledo Parish where I arrived just in time for the 9 am mass. I have always wanted to visit this church since 2016 when I was doing a series of travel diaries called #TheOCProject, where I would go on weekend trips to nearby towns to visit old churches. My mentor and former journalism professor (who is also a legit Tanay resident), Ma'am Cez arrived together with Ciljon, Rose and Arvin minutes after the mass ended.

Their version of an ecopark has a lighthouse!

We continued with our road trip right after the event that we attended in a public high school. Thankfully, the sun was up before lunch time so we were able to visit a number of places including the schools where Ma'am Cez spent her elementary and high school days, and some of their town's landmarks, like the Parola situated in the lakeshore baranggay of San Isidro. This place resembled the ecopark that we have in Angono -- minus the lighthouse. The place also has a viewdeck which has an ideal spot if you're a fan of watching the afternoon sunset.

We also made a short visit at the Tanay municipal hall. Next to the places of worship, dropping by the seat of local government is one of the things on my to-do list whenever I travel to places because it gives me an idea on how a town or city is being governed by its officials. And as luck would have it, we even met one of the town's incumbent official, Vice Mayor Rex Manuel Tanjuatco.

I concluded my weekend trip to Tanay with a request to Ma'am Cez if we could visit the resting place of her parents, Tatay Cleño and Nanay Aging. They were part of my core memories as a college student since they would accommodate me and my fellow publication staff writers like their own kids whenever we would attend activities in the main campus of URS in Tanay. Given that I am already in their neck of woods, it was a chance that I simply could not allow to pass.

At the end of the day, despite coming home tired, I realized that going on this trip was worth it. If there's a genuine lesson that adulthood is teaching me, it's the importance of investing my time in creating memories. Leaving my hometown for a day to explore someone else's rewarded me not just with a well-deserved mental health break and breathing space. It also provided me with cherished memories, and a good number of significant learnings that I can eventually impart to others.

(Photos courtesy of Ms. Maria Cecillia Rañola-Villegas)

Me trying to calm down before being introduced for the lecture

The purpose of your life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. -Maya Angelou-

September arrived to me with an unexpected surprise (and no, this isn't the type of surprise you've always been thinking!). During the last week of August, I was asked by my former journalism professor, Ma'am Cez Villegas, and URS Angono Extension Unit head, Ma'am Annie Balbuena if I could serve as a lecturer/ resource speaker for the training for school paper advisers organized by the DepEd Sub-Office in my hometown. Knowing Ma'am Cez and Ma'am Annie, it was an opportunity that I simply couldn't say no to.

What I didn't know was that would be the beginning of one of the cutest plot twists that I could have this year. Just days after meeting with them, I found myself held up inside my room doing the Powerpoint slides that I will need for my lecture on two campus journalism topics: Editorial Writing and Opinion Column Writing.

The talk happened last September 13 (yes, on a Friday the 13th!) at Angono National Highschool. I realized I should spend some time exploring places because despite spending half of my life in this town, it was my first time to visit the school that day. I arrived inside a room of young school publication advisers who are mostly newbies.

Discussing while feeling both the kaba and kilig at the same time!

Days before the event, I was getting cold feet, and having mixed emotions about the lecture. Despite my experience in campus journalism as a former campus paper editor, and serving as a keynote speaker during an event in my alma mater nine years ago, being a resource speaker at the school paper adviser's training seminar was something I see as an "unfamiliar territory".

However, Ma'am Cez advised me that the lecture will serve more of a refresher training for the participants for upcoming competitions so I shouldn't be too worried. Another former editor, Batch even told me to stop stressing about it, and they were actually right. As candid as it is, at the end of my lecture, the teachers were laughing with me when I said I spent two sleepless nights worrying too much if the 24 slides will be covered within the allotted one hour.

It turned out that I worried for nothing because I was able to discuss everything in just 35 minutes. I even prepared notes in case I get lost for words because I was sleep deprived a couple of days before the event, but in the end, I didn't get to use it. The whole lecture proper went smoothly, and the ice breaker activity that I did before the discussion made it a fun-filled session. The participants showed wit and knowledge when I went through the opinion column and editorial articles they submitted during the training's workshop part.

This photo gave me the college presscon feels!

While accepting the role of lecturer was a nerve-wracking experience at first, I must admit that at the end of the day, it also left me with a sense of fulfillment. I conquered my fear of public speaking, and the presence of supportive mentors, colleagues and friends kept my anxiety at bay. In particular, my friend Diane, who kept her presence felt through our numerous exchange of messages on Instagram. Her words of encouragement (and the surprising gesture that only the two of us knew about!) and the advice that I will be teaching from experience and that everything will come out naturally, surprisingly was true.

Coming home after the training workshop, I came to realize, indeed, when God put you in it, He will surely help you through it. To train a new and younger batch of publication advisers was something I never planned or even dreamed of, but just like what Diane said, "they won't pick you if they don't believe you could do it." And when I think of it, maybe, this is also God's way of giving an answer during all those nights that I prayed to Him to help me find my place and purpose in this world.

(All photos courtesy of Ms. Anniversary M. Balbuena)

WARNING: Long post ahead.

If not for the various graduation gratitude and OOTD posts that kept showing up on my Instagram feed, I wouldn't realize that it has been seven months since I published my last blog post. My blog was quiet for more than half a year for a lot of reasons (that are mostly personal) but despite that, I am still quite aware of what has been happening with the world including those commencement events.

And what's a graduation ceremony without the speeches? I just finished watching the graduation speech of this year's batch valedictorian from one of the campuses of the University of the Philippines in the Visayas, and it's one of the most inspiring messages I have heard lately.

Watching the said speech prompted me to write this blog post because just like the honor student, I had my share of the same kind of spotlight too when I delivered a speech to the graduating batch of my alma mater almost a decade ago.

Just a few weeks back, I decided to browse the contents of an old blog that housed my writings during the year when blogging was just a new trend. I came across an unedited entry that narrated my thoughts about being a graduate of a state-funded institution. After 18 years, I have finally decided to post the entry Thoughts of State U in this blog. I wrote the said piece with the original plan of submitting it to a column of a national broadsheet.

I am a brainchild of a state university; of one of the institutions raised by the state. For four long years, thirty-two months, nine hundred ninety two relentless days (including weekends) and twenty three thousand eight hundred eight hours (including the time I spent for rest), I stayed in an institution I never thought I would be.
I might be too ambitious like other students were themselves. While others were proud of being an Atenean, La Sallian or Thomasian, I on the other hand am simple and silent being a State U baby with the desire that someday I will also be one of the elite ones. But then I guess this was my destiny. Despite that I came from a middle-class family and was a product of a private sectarian school for eleven years, I never had the chance of becoming a student of any prestigious university in college. My only hope was to belong to the University of the Philippines—the only premiere state university that I admire so much that to be an alumnus is already one big privilege. But then my only hope was lost and so I was left with the only option of enrolling in a state university in my locality or else I would wait for another year or never to study—it was a game of take it or leave it and so I decided to go and give it a try with the plan in mind that my stay in the school will last for just a year.
Maybe, being in the state university was a stroke of luck and destiny. In a span of two weeks, blessings poured in. Just when I was adjusting to a new environment, I was appointed Literary Editor of the campus paper, the youngest section editor in our batch and had my first taste of victory eight months later—with the privilege of being the second neophyte of the organization to compete and win in the competition battling with the best and brightest minds of student journalists in the region.
Or I guess, I enjoyed staying in the comfort of the school that I had already fell in love with it that I had forgotten my plan of staying there for a year instead, I had unconsciously prolonged my stay for four years. My stay had thought me a lot of things and letting me feel how it is to experience the battle in the world of knowledge and surviving the road to forever.
But now it seemed the road to forever is already forever no more. It has come to an end; so is my stay in the school. As of this writing, I had made my final bow and said goodbye to my alma mater and to the people I’ve been with during my four-year stay in the university.
But as I came face to face with the fruit of my labor, deep inside me is the confession that despite striving against the flow of the tide and meddling with deadlines, to leave the school is somewhat hard for me.
Call me absurd but I won’t mind. While others would want to leave their own schools for their personal reasons like terror teachers, boring subjects, unplanned pregnancies and other alibis, I on the other hand have this satisfying feeling knowing that I have done my part as a student. For sure I have my own reasons to say so. Among those reasons are the following:
-My daily routine of riding tricycles telling the driver "sa RSC po."
-My alsa balutan syndrome that happens twice a year to attend press conferences with that big bag containing what I need without a "mama" to take care of it.
-How it feels like to taste such a sweet success.
-Staying up until two in the morning talking to a colleague about everything and anything under the sun (and moon).
Lillian Smith quoted Education is a private matter between the person and the world of knowledge and expertise and has little to do with school or college. On the other hand, learning is not limited to the same old stuff. There is more to life than the books and theories. I may not be blessed with the opportunity of being an elite member of those prestigious schools but I know this happened for a reason.
I may not be given with the unique opportunity to taste the sweetness of a "branded education" but then, I’ve reaped its rewards. For it was through the state university I was given with the chance to take a glimpse at the lives of La Sallians, Ateneans and Thomasians; I’ve gone to places I’ve never been; I was given the unique chance of proving my worth and be the best I could for myself and even leave a legacy for my school.
Education is not measured by the kind of school, nor the uniforms I’ve worn not even the amount of allowance my parents gave me for a day. I could have the taste of a branded education but if I did, I may not be the one that I am today.
Indeed my life in the state university is done; a book has come to a close but the things I am thankful for is endless.
I am a brainchild of the state university and regardless of the name of my school, I shall forever be proud of it.

The thought of delivering this as a speech in a formal event such as a graduation ceremony didn't really cross my mind back then. But when I came across this entry months ago, I must admit that a part of my heart ached.

This never made it to the column of the broadsheet where I hoped and intended to see it. Nor did I get the chance to deliver this speech in a formal event; because when I received the invitation to be the guest speaker in a college recognition ceremony months after I turned 30, this piece was left forgotten. Instead, I found myself drafting a different speech inside a cramped S&R outlet near my then workplace and delivered it in front of an audience of 600 people sans the kodigo.

I retained this post together with the other entries that I wrote for my very first blog after setting it in private mode. Maybe, the said essay is meant to exist for a different purpose. At least, in this day and age of almost all things going digital, (including the way of learning and acquiring education) this will serve as my core memory of how things are like traditionally -- especially now that I am approaching another era in life.

MABUHAY!

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