Back from the land of gods and goddesses. That's what I call Meralco Development Center, the office where I serve as a writer/ editor for the past three years. Yup--that's corporate and training environment setting (actually, I just learned from my managing editor that aside from being a training center, MMLDC is actually an NGO) but what makes me stick to that environment aside from enjoying my work is the people I am working with. They're all nice and absolutely hunks and babes as in beautiful and handsome people--attitude wise and the physical of course.

To see how these gods and goddesses look like, consider these photos:



Now, today I got to see this guy named Paulo from marketing and Ernest, the ever-reliable editor that I haven't seen for such a long time. Due to my job as a teacher, I have been doing some of my writing on a flexi-time basis at home for some days so I don't get to see them often. But probably that will change because there are a lot of work to do now. Of course, the environment is still cool, bubbly, loud and full of laughter and energy. The marketing people thought I was there as a trainee but I cleared it up telling them that I have been writing for the magazine for three years and I had some bonding time with them. They we're a bit embarrassed for I've been hearing them talking about "green" stuff but then I'm used to that though I don't divulge. They asked some few but not that personal questions. They asked me of my civil status and while I said the real thing that I am single--no attachments or pending relationships--not even married (it doesn't mean any offense to me anyway), the guys remarked out of the blue matching me with somebody (they think I'm just sitting quietly but then my ears are all up to everything).

I know Paulo as the guy that I see in the marketing department where the editorial staff holds office; normally when my managing editor is out, it's him who I approach to get my copy of the magazine. Although I don't get to talk lengthily enough with him--okay, just now but the conversation lasted for just some minutes--and I don't consider it lengthy. He's accommodating like everyone (probably because I am visiting that's how they do it with other clients and visitors), and I think he's nice. But it makes me feel awkward when he refers to me using the term ma'am. Most people in the office do that actually, I'd be fine when they address me by my first name but then, that's SOP. Probably I'll tell them about it one time.

On the other hand, I met Ms. Eve too (one of the members of the Academic Services Department where I also serve). Of course, our meeting was packed with the usual hug and beso. When she told me that Ernest was with him, I grabbed the chance to step out of the marketing office to have a glimpse of him. And well, when he greeted me with that simple hello, the butterflies in my stomach became alive. Since I began doing projects with the Acad people, I have worked in tandem with Ernest on some projects including transcriptions and the 4th quarter issue of Highlights in 2007 (which was my favorite issue). He's one handyman when it comes to lay outing and PhotoShop editing; thank God for techie creatures like him, he once came to my rescue when I encountered trouble with PhotoShop techniques and shortcuts. He also once tested my courage that made me do something I never thought I have the guts to. Ernest also earned much of my admiration when I saw him pray during our lunch with other Acad members. And what else can I say but he's still good looking as ever.

And maybe I really have to slow down at work for a lot of people have been noticing the weight loss that I've been having lately. From Ma'am Cez, my parents and now my bosses as well as Ms. Eve and Ernest.

I might have had a bad hair day with my teaching today but I'd rather not dwell and divulge much on it. I have a lot to be happy about including a big project and articles lined up. And being surrounded with hunks makes me squealing in giddy delight and maybe I'll be off to Dreamland with an ear-to-ear smile on my face.

Indeed, ang sarap mapalibutan ng gwapo (being surrounded with good-looking guys really feels good) I feel like a goddess too in some way. hee...hee... Talk about the blessing and best part of singlehood.

Tuesday night and I am again putting on my sentiments here (or maybe like one superior, Teacher Arthur puts it, writing some "sucky" words). I just wanted to let out all the stress for the past few days has been really draining--from exams to household chores. Since Friday night I have been doing the role of a mother and household manager together with my other obligations as a teacher, writer, blogger and editor.

And I found out, doing the duties of a mother slash household manager is one draining task. But I understand that I really need to go through it; being a woman and with the plans of marrying in the future, it's one essential macro skill.

Now, I have a lot of things to be happy about. Among them:

1. The first issue of Highlights for this year is out (finally!).

Yesterday, I, with other co-teachers took the exam. It's like returning to the old school setting really. But I almost got into another episode of anxiety attack after being notified of the speech for the speaking exam. Having no time to waste and prepare, I simply deliberated on the subject of marriage. Funny but I and Teacher Grace have contradictory statements.

I simply wanted to share my view and the way how I see marriage. Yes, I could be that serious really, but I have my sacred view when it speaks of that holy sacrament (being a Catholic, matrimony is one of the sacraments I do respect). Funny but years ago, I am a huge marriage skeptic (to the point that I never go to weddings and hate seeing wedding ceremonies) so how come I came to this "probably moving" entry.

This post first appeared in my other blog, Fishball Perceptions with the title Why the Proposal Thing Makes Me Cry and to have that sneak peak of the speech I delivered yesterday, read on the next few lines:

I don’t want to hide in hypocrisy. I admit that in every episode and in every tear that I shed for each unique proposal that I see, I have this secret hope for that day—when one would seriously ask me that question too. I also hoped that he would ask me that. But that does not mean nagmamadali ako. Don’t get me wrong. I’m dying to hear that not because I’m rushing to get married—I’m dying to hear that because I want to seriously spend my life and my days with someone.

It's not just being wed for a day but being with someone in a blessed union forever. To me marriage and getting married is not about the usual connotation—FOR SEX TO BE DONE IN WHAT THEY SAY IS LEGAL. For me, it’s about spending my life with a person I wanted to grow old with; sleeping and waking up next to someone I know will be there for me to have and hold during life’s good and bad times. Making babies and parenthood of course includes the menu.

Some may say that as I watch "I Propose", I’m just adding salt to my still fresh wound—but then it keeps my hopes and dreams alive. I believe in the sacredness of the bond of marriage—seeing it through my parents. And I hope that in the near future, it's going to happen to me too. I don’t need a too pricey diamond solitaire engagement ring to signify commitment for I prefer a rather simpler kind. I could even go without it. What matters to me is living the sacred promise.

I simply want to express my opinion for it could probably save someone else's bleary concept about marriage. Yes, I am currently unattached, running and striving through daily bouts of the stresses of life but then, my sincere, solemn conviction remains. Like what I said, I might be walking funny like a penguin due to my disability but then I still have serious thoughts on stuff like this. And with this belief is the prayer that God will give me back the guy that I knew I really wanted to spend my life with.

Quoting Frances Amper-Sales' husband Vince, I end this entry with these meaningful lines:

Perhaps, the greatest measure of love is not in ending up with someone who fate decreed was yours but choosing someone simply because you both want to make it work.

Part of my job as a writer is doing research. For three years, I've been that glued to the Internet to rely on back up information; resulting to RHS or what experts say Research Happy Syndrome which I actually have. Nowadays, since I don't have Internet access at home, I rely on my phone's WAP to access the net for resources. The past months, my internet's always down so I am really feeling terrible.

But last night I tried accessing my phone's internet and well, good news is it's functioning now. At least even if I'll need to work on my articles for the Holy Week even at late periods, I'll survive--with my WAP helping me out.

Now, the next thing to do is to have my busted, bacteria-eaten PC reformatted.

Will a programmer or a technician help me do it please? I just need my PC back ASAP.

Taking time out on another Friday. And unfortunately, things are actually not going the way I hoped them to be. Setbacks come one at a time. The week has been full of stressful moments for me and it starts to drive me like wanting to be eaten by my bed.

And I realized that because of these setbacks, my health is starting to suffer seriously. My anxiety attacks are starting to appear again. My stress-induced headaches and migraines are also striking me especially in the afternoon.

Both my parents had realized how my weight started to decline. And a lot of people have been noticing that too.

I realized, I have been putting off my medical needs. Yes, for such a long time, I have never seen my doctor--compared before when I was really a hypochondriac.

I guess I am stressed out with the things that happened at work. I'm starting to think that probably, I'm not really meant for it. That I'm really meant to be a writer and an editor. Right now, what excites me is the assignment for the next issue. I have a deadline to run and yet, maybe I could convert it to positive stress.

The past few days, I have been rendering six to seven hours of teaching. And although I have been finding myself coming home bone tired, it's just fine. I enjoy the company of my students. Knowing what has been cooking inside their mind just keeps me compensated, entertained and fulfilled.

And today, as I was having classes with Aaron Lee, I found myself confined in a mind-stimulating argument. No, we did not have a heated, fight-worthy argument like others might think. It began with a simple sentence that started with the phrase I'll be in trouble if... and then the story went on.

I told Aaron that like and love are two different things. The funny thing is he told me, "but teacher it's (like) going to develop there (to love)." To which I defended my view saying that when you like somebody, you don't necessarily need to fall in love with that person. I used an example--comparing the person to a pair of expensive Adidas shoes that you see in a mall. When you look at the merchandise, it doesn't necessarily mean that you must buy it.

Because that is how I look at the situation this time. I knew I've been that "stubborn" for a lot of times--jumping into the pit unprepared; with a feeling unknown, and reasons unclear in my head. And nowadays though there are instances that I am feeling that "complicated emotion" I try not to dwell on it and divert my attention to something else. Just to avoid further complications and heartaches.

I just don't want history to repeat itself.

Yes, it could be true that falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Like how the Beatles' song goes, it is love that makes the world go round. But then when you fall into it without discerning the real reason or purpose, it simply leaves you and your life complicated. And if Aaron Lee has that conviction that liking could further develop into loving, I respect him for that. At least, he has a concrete view on something. A belief that he could live by in his life.

Like what I used to say, to each his own.

Lately, I've been singing OPM ballads by my fave group APO Hiking Society (yes, I'm just 24--I'm not that old but I find their songs good). Some of my friends and colleagues think I'm in love (as corny as it is--but I'm NOT for I don't have time) because they normally hear me singing these tunes:

Mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ito bola
Ngumiti ka man lang sana ako'y nasa langit na
Mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ito bola
Sumagot ka naman 'wag lang ... ewan ...

-From the song Ewan, revived by Imago-

Tomorrow's April Fool's. I hope I'll be spared from prank stuff.

If You Forget Me
Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

This actually is one nice break-up poem. As a writer, I started with poems and this love poem still makes me cry. I was really surprised when Luigi said he likes the love poems of this author. A bit hopeless romantic? Well, I can't exactly tell. Actually, I have always thought that mushy love poems are actually corny, shallow stuff for guys so it took me by surprise when he said that he actually likes the works of this Chilean writer and politician.

Oh, and I think he likes chocolates too.