I feel much better today after finally catching up on sleep. 12 hours of shut eye could work wonders. To catch up on sleep and rest is the best form of self care that I could think of to compensate what my body and brain went through hours before. My days rarely start early since leaving my job in the academe more than a year ago. But after receiving an email related to a job application I sent last month, I found myself up and about before dawn yesterday. 

How it feels to be an early bird and alone in the room.

I haven't travelled to the city in the last two years for career-related matters. And I must admit that I had mixed feelings doing so. I am no longer used to going to cities outside my hometown, including this one. Nowadays, trips that would take even just an hour ride away is already considered far and a bit stressful to me.

A lot of things have definitely changed in the city since the last time I was there, that when someone from human resources inquired if i had difficulty in locating their office and if I got lost, I honestly, yet candidly replied with a yes.

Days ago, I read one Facebook post that mentioned the importance of showing up, giving your best, and taking small efforts. It said we don't need to have everything figured out today. So even if I felt uncertain, and despite being unable to sleep the night before because of overthinking, I still appeared in person as a form of professionalism and courtesy to an institution who took time to read my CV, and saw it to be worth considering for the next step. 

Taking a battery of tests for four and a half hours may be challenging and mentally exhausting but doing so also gave me an idea as to how other offices conduct them. And if there was something that made me feel good about myself, it was I showed up and went through it.

While there's no certainty that things will be in my favor, the only thing that I can be proud of at least for now is that I tried and gave it a shot. I showed up (and on time!) even without sleep, and accomplished everything from start to finish even if my brain already wants to shut down a number of times. But what I appreciate most about the whole experience that I went through yesterday was the chance to meet kind people from the office that invited me, to the strangers that I met on the street.

I dropped by this mall chapel before heading home not just to pray for a number of intentions for myself and for other people, but to thank Him for allowing me to survive the day, and my daily ordeals. The past months were (and still remains to be) challenging for me that even saying what I want and need in prayer has been hard for me to do. But during my visit to this place yesterday,  my own prayer was composed of a few words:

For God to just look into my heart in the absence of all the right words.          

 

 

Just like the previous years, I treated Valentine's Day as another ordinary day and date on the calendar. I'm not a Valentine grinch, but knowing that most places will be chaotic and crowded by couples who are out on romantic dates, I opted not to travel to cities like Mandaluyong, Pasig, or Quezon City, where most recreation areas are. Instead, I used the occasion to go on a quick day tour to two different towns in Rizal.

From my hometown in Angono, I travelled first to Morong and immediately headed to St. Jerome Parish. I did not have to wait for Holy Week this year to do the Visita Iglesia. Given that I have a Pilgrim's Passport since last month, and in time for the Jubilee Year, I thought of visiting two churches on Valentine's Day.

It was in 2016, when I first visited St. Jerome Parish. I was still preparing for the Civil Service Exam that time. And while a number of things have changed (such as how the altar of the church looks now), some things still remain, like how picturesque the bell tower is and the funny coincidence that I witnessed another wedding held in that place, much like how a similar ceremony was what I witnessed during my first visit almost 9 years ago.

After a quick lunch at Jollibee, I took another jeepney ride and headed to my intended destination that day, which is Tanay, Rizal.  

It wasn't my first time to visit this town either, as I was here just five months ago when I attended a community involvement activity, and I somewhat memorized this landmark. I arrived at the church around lunch time, but I decided to explore the vicinity first while waiting for the requiem mass to finish. 

"Sometimes, it's the little things, the unexpected gestures, that leave the most lasting memories."

I rarely post about personal moments on this blog, but there is one incident recently that led me to create this entry. It was something that's too laudable to be left unnoticed, much more unwritten. 

Almost a week after the out of town outreach activity that I attended, I woke up one morning to another message from my mentor and former professor. In it was an attached screenshot of a message, and upon closer look, I found out that the message was an invitation sent by the person who invited me to the recently held community activity. This time, it was an invitation for my former professor and her family to his home in line with the festivities of the town fiesta. 

I could have just reacted to it with an affirming word or an emoji. But what caught my attention and left me pleasantly surprised were the words that followed:

"Isama nyo po si (Ate) Glaiza."

I know you're going to ask me what I felt after reading that part, and I will be candid and honest.  While the message was able to immediately draw a smile on my face, I felt stressed for a brief moment upon seeing it (despite that I haven't even provided any response yet)  because being present would not just mean getting to experience how the occasion is being celebrated in his town. It also meant meeting his family (including his parents) for the first time — something that created knots in my stomach because I was not prepared for that scenario.

Yes, the "Overthinking Tita" character in me made its unexpected arrival that day despite being uninvited.

To cut the story short though, we had to politely send our apologies; because as much as I wanted to accept the invitation and show up, my companions could not make it. My professor and her husband caught the flu and needed time to rest and recuperate, and it would be too awkward if I went to the occasion on my own. 

Although I may have lost the opportunity to see a joyous event in someone's hometown and get to know his family, I must admit that I was also pleased by the guy's considerate act that day. Yes, some anxiety and worry may have shaken my veins at first, but the noble gesture and the fact that I was in his thoughts touched a part of my heart, and convinced me that somehow, chivalry still exists even at this time.      

This note (in my handwriting) might be from 2016,  but it's one of the things that I strongly believe in.

To receive a random act of kindness from another person in this time when good manners is something that is easily being neglected by many, is enough to make it remarkable. But what makes a thoughtful gesture more significant is when it happens at the least expected moment. And while there may be some hint of "regret" for missing the chance to enjoy a colorful celebration, and meet someone's loved ones, I still believe that when the time is precisely right, these things will, and can still happen. For now, I will again hold on to one of those meaningful lines that I once saw from a TV ad. To which it states, "for all the firsts that you've missed, there is always a second chance." 

Every event has a mandatory class picture :-)

It was a request with a few words, but what I didn't know is how God would surprise me with an "almost immediate" response. A day after New Year, I got a message from the incumbent president of Tanay Kapamilya Lions Club, Jonas Flores, inviting me to an outreach activity they organized for the kids of Rehoboth Sampaloc Ministries. I have been given a heads-up by my former professor, Ma'am Cez, about the event weeks before. I had the chance to be present at two of their events last year, but I had reservations about joining this one because I also received another invitation from a friend to join a medical mission in another province. I spent two weeks contemplating both activities. But just when I had made my decision to join the medical mission, some unforeseen turn of events happened. I just found myself travelling to Tanay at 6 am on Saturday, January 18.

One of my favorite shot from last Saturday taken by Ma'am Cez -- with Shin, and Tanay Kapamilya Lions Club president, Jonas Flores.

With URS Angono ANGMERC president Ria dela Cruz.

I am drafting this blog post while everyone at home is asleep. I'm taking this quiet time to finally write, as this is the only moment I have to pour out and process the thoughts that have been filling up my introverted mind for weeks. 

As I try to write this final post for 2024, I try to think about all the things that transpired for me this year, and it's quite a lot. The photos I had both on my Instagram page and my Google Drive narrated just a few shots and snippets of my year. Well, part of me said this year was a good one, but there were also a few instances where I failed on a few things too.

While I discovered interesting pursuits like getting hooked on the printed versions of Wattpad stories that young adults these days talk about, watching its on-screen adaptations, and getting acquainted with new ventures, and marked a number of milestones, such as conquering my first lecturer/trainer gig, celebrating my 40th birthday, and having another "guest appearance" during the Quest for Journ's Best during the MIL Week, I had to be honest in saying that 2024 wasn't really a year seen in rose-colored glasses.   

This year pushed me to unexpectedly conquer something and take a risk, not once but three times. Yes, it may seem to be an achievement at first given that I am really not a risk-taker for such a long time, but sadly, despite giving it a shot (and even got good results) it ended with a plot twist: heartbreak. It was a kind of heartbreak that almost left me hitting rock bottom that happened a month ago. I won't go into further details as I am still in the process of recovering and trying to put the broken pieces of myself together. 

If there is one good thing that got uncovered out of this emotionally painful ordeal, it's how the the gift of friendship existed despite the distance. I am just thankful that I have friends who were always ready to listen, especially during the first few weeks of my ordeal. Their presence during that painful and difficult period somehow helped me to stay afloat, particularly during the days when I felt so consumed by the loneliness and disappointment that what I just wanted to do was cry my heart out.

While the days preceding New Year's Day are usually devoted creating a new batch of plans and resolutions, I want to postpone mine for maybe a few weeks. I don't intend to make a lot of new year resolutions as I want to concentrate on certain "targets" that I know I can really achieve. After all, making resolutions and accomplishing them can still hit me anytime within the year—not just on the first day of the new year. And plans and resolutions can be compared to creating a restaurant menu. More often than not, a longer list creates confusion and chaos, which depletes its purpose of guiding a person on how he/she wants to efficiently utilize the next 365 days.