Archive for 2016

Next to the Christmas parties and the holiday festivities in the office, one of the things I look forward to every December is the Simbang Gabi. It is a an activity I have tried (and succeeded) completing a number of times. I first started this when I was 19 years old, not to test if a wish comes true when you complete the 9 novena masses but more of challenging myself in completing an activity.

There are two mass celebrations of the Simbang Gabi offered in our parish in Angono Rizal. The anticipated Simbang Gabi from December 15 to 23 at 8:00 pm and the traditional Misa de Gallo which is held from December 16 to 24 at 4:00 am. Since I leave early in the morning to report to work, I have always opted to attend the anticipated Simbang Gabi.

I really planned to complete the 9 evening masses this time because I failed to pursue the activity last year after Papa got hospitalized unexpectedly on the first evening of the Simbang Gabi combined with the strong, nonstop rains.

Completing the nine evenings is a challenge given that I have a day job and traffic in the metro tends to get heavy especially during the Christmas holidays. Thankfully though, the traffic situation improved the during my last week at the office so I was able to leave the office on time in the afternoon.

There may not be rainy evenings but the workload became busy on the final week in the office; and the stress of work and holiday parties I attended on the last couple of weeks caused me to feel under the weather. But it did not stop me from continuously going to the evening masses until the I reached the finish line. Completing the endeavor despite all the fears of experiencing things that could hinder me from making it possible never felt this good. With all that has happened and given to me the whole year, I realized making this short-term sacrifice is the least that I can do to be grateful.

I know you'd ask me what was it I wished for upon completing the Simbang Gabi. I used to have one big wish for myself. But for this time, I had to set that aside and allow my own wish to just be secondary in exchange to a "priority wish". Instead of asking God to finally send The One my way, I asked if God could finally grant the wish of my friend for his mom's healing and recovery. While it may sound wonderful to have a special someone to hold hands, hug and talk with, I realize how important it is for him to see his mom healthy and well to be with him again. I realized I have been waiting for the fulfillment of my wish for almost eight years and it won't mean any difference if it will mean having to wait again. I can have my personal petition later anyway. And while doctors may have been giving findings based on what they know and learn scientifically, I believe there are things that cannot be explained by science -- the reason why God created the presence of miracles. And it's one thing I am hoping for -- another miracle.

God has granted one of my prayers for her earlier this year and I hope in God's time, the other will be given.

One of the things that kept me occupied this year next to my job is embarking on a number of challenges and accomplishing items on my bucket list. One of them was challenging myself to retake the Civil Service Professional Exam. Just a short background, there are four difficult examinations in the Philippines (at least in my opinion): The UPCAT (the college entrance exam of the University of the Philippines), The Bar Exams, PLE (Physician Licensure Exam) and the Civil Service Exam.

Of the four, I've experienced taking two: the UPCAT when I was 16 and the Civil Service Exam when I graduated from college at 20. Sadly, while I took the challenge, I failed.

Going for a retake of the Civil Service Exam was far from my plans -- at least 11 years after I failed on my first attempt. However, I suddenly had a change of heart early this year. I realized, I have been working in the judiciary (only in the international setting) which is also a branch of the government. I was not really eyeing to work for the government before but given the nature of my job, I thought the credentials of passing the exam would be a good plus. So after some moments of contemplation, I filed my application last June.

11 years can really make a huge difference. When I first took the exam in 2005, I thought of it as the usual multiple choice test in school so I did not prepare much for it -- which was a wrong move. So this time, I made a few changes to my usual habits. And by changes, most of them had to be major ones.

Preparing for the test for the second time was a painstaking process. But I was determined to make it this time so I really took it seriously. I was that serious even my colleagues at work and my family would tell me so.

Now you might ask me, what did I do in order to pass the test. I would like to say you have to brace yourself to make a number of those. In my case, I observed five steps:

Prepare as early as you can. While my exam was scheduled in October, I started preparing (read: studying) in May -- even before I submitted my application to the Civil Service Commission Regional Office. Take note of the scope of the exams; those are mentioned on posted announcements on the Civil Service Commission website.

Invest in reviewers. Since I have a day job, attending review classes is not possible. But I utilized reviewers for the usual subjects and for those topics covering the law (Civil Service Act, Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the 1987 Constitution), I bought a separate reading material and used the Internet. It doesn't have to be expensive. It's more on how you will utilize them to practice answering and conditioning your mind for the big day.

Have a support system. It really made a difference that my family colleagues were supportive of me even from the start when they found out about my plan of retaking the Civil Service exam. My officemates and relatives were helping me out particularly when I was reviewing for the numerical area of the test which is admittedly my Achilles Heel.

Be able to give up (of not minimize) social activities -- for a time being. In my case, it was four months' worth of declining dates, gimmicks and nightlife during Friday nights and weekends. I thought, this will just be a little sacrifice for a very meaningful result anyway so why not give it up for some time. But of course, I get to have "cheat hours" or "me time" by watching a good movie.

Pray and have faith. This is a powerful tool -- the most powerful at that. But of course, this has to be combined with all the hard work too.

They say good things come to those who wait and work hard for it. After the three-hour exam was over, we were told that the results will be released in 41 days. I wasn't really putting too much expectations on passing the test even if part of me that is telling me that I will make it. I was thinking the results to be announced before Christmas or by next year. But the 41 days came to an end when I received the screenshot above on the evening of December 3 from my friend Januver. At first I was in disbelief but after checking three different websites (including that of the Civil Service Commission), it was then I realized the whole thing is real. However, the two of us decided to keep the thing unannounced for a week.

Now that the results have been released and I made it to the list, I just have to sign and file a few papers in order to obtain my Certificate of Eligibility from the Civil Service Commission which I plan do do next year.

I turned 32 last Saturday.

There. I said it. Plain. Simple. Straightforward.

How I spent my birthday weekend was rather unconventional. Far from the typical "party hard" type, mine was in a simpler, quieter tone. I guess that's the effect of getting older. When you're young, a birthday won't be complete unless you are able to party to your heart's content, indulging in booze all night (until all day) long. The exact opposite when your birthday arrives and you are more aware of the fact that you're not young anymore -- that's when you appreciate simplicity, solemnity and silence all the more.

The folks at work gave me an advanced birthday party a day before I went on a vacation leave. This has become somewhat a tradition to our team given that with all the things we would go through day-to-day in performing our duties, andito at buo pa rin kami-- and still strong at that. Years ago, it was my heart's wish to experience celebrating my birthday at work -- literally in the office. And that has been the scenario for five times now. But as soon as the big day arrived, I decided to welcome it in a quiet, practical way I know -- unplanned, simple, ordinary.

While I was not on my office desk on a workday, I still traveled to Quezon City but to visit St. Pio Chapel. I have been devoting a part of my time every Friday going to this place since this year had started. Upon waking up on the morning of my birthday, I spent an extra hour in bed just lying there savoring a new morning (anyway, it's a weekend and such extra time in bed doing nothing already is a luxury). I just had a quick brunch and headed straight to Quezon City again, but this time in order to go to St. John Paul II Parish for the 12:15 pm Thanksgiving Mass.

It might be ironic but I guess, I was just being content despite not having everything -- even that one thing I hoped to receive for my birthday. I turned off the "writings on the wall" on my Facebook account and I believe it was beneficial to my yearning for silence. It showed that whoever would want to remember will really find a way to do so. I may not have gotten a lot of those birthday wishes, but the ones I got proved to be the genuine ones. When I had to make a wish before blowing the birthday candle, I found it hard to put it into words despite knowing that I do have one. It may seem odd but more than just wishing something for myself, I find it easier to pray for something for other people.

On the other hand, I may be old by the numbers, but I still am the girl that I was years ago -- only a bit improved in a way that I have learned to let go of some things, to be patient with people (and still working on it), to look with value and appreciate what I have at present, to make time for what and who is important, but most of all, to realize that the real purpose of my life and my existence in this world is to be there for someone else -- things I have learned from the circumstances I have to face as well as from the people I meet and from that one person who has been slowly occupying a space in my heart.

Photo: skedsearch.ph

Exactly a week ago today, I went on another solo trip, this time to SMX Convention Center for this year's Manila International Book Fair.

I was eyeing to go even the day before. Call me shallow but I was looking forward to going to the event for two reasons: The first and only attendance that I had for the MIBF was back in 2003 (oo, pangalawang beses ko palang ito); and this is the first time I am going to Mall of Asia, commuting on my own.

Originally, I scheduled to leave the house early to arrive at the area around 8 or 9 am but instead, left a bit late and after braving the traffic and the experience of riding public transportation, I arrived at SMX 30 minutes before lunchtime. I immediately went to the booth of Summit Media after paying the entrance fee and scouted for not magazines but surprise, surprise: cookbooks.

If you are to ask me about the experience, it was kind of worth it. If you're a bookworm just like I am, going to events such as the Manila International Book Fair has its advantages. You get to personally meet authors of your favorite titles (and if you get too lucky, get them to sign your copy), choose the books you want and buy lots and lots of books at cheaper prices (either on sale or sold at a discounted price). Book fairs are really a bibliophile's wasteland! In my case, I only allotted 1,000 pesos but it covered the expenses -- yes including the books that I purchased. Just a friendly warning though, if you plan to attend the MIBF next year, be prepared at magbaon ng napakahabang pasensya because going through a beeline choosing the books and paying them is a bit time-consuming. In my case, while I really wanted to buy those cookbooks, it took time for me to pay because I was in line with teenagers who seemed to take eternity in choosing the book they want to buy.

Before leaving Pasay City, I also made a side trip to this church. I have always been intrigued about the place when I first spotted it from the parking lot of MOA two years ago but never had the chance to go near. Last week, I took the chance and paid this church, The Shrine of Jesus The Way, The Truth and The Life a visit even for a few minutes.

I will surely return for next year's MIBF though I'll try to make it early in the venue so that I can really check out and scout for books from the exhibitors :-)

Prior to welcoming the weekend, I remember quipping (and doing a status post on Facebook) that Fridays and weekends are meant for "babe time" (blame it on that Gerald-Bea movie, I learned a new term). But I really did not have special plans this weekend. However, spontaneity just hit me yesterday so I decided to leave the house and travel to Eastwood despite it was not a workday.

I went to St. Padre Pio Chapel in compliance with my usual Friday visit. After staying in the chapel for an hour, I decided to travel to Cubao. I have been working in Eastwood for almost six years but I never tried travelling to Cubao so this was really my first attempt. Hindi naman pala talaga siya malayo. Given that there was no heavy traffic, I reached Cubao in 25 minutes, I think.

Reaching Gateway Mall, I was planning to grab some snacks at Starbucks as a little belated treat for myself having reached my 53rd month at work last Friday. But something else caught my attention and instead, I found myself going to a photo exhibit at the mall's Activity Area -- Courageous Light.

Photo from Courageous Caitie Facebook page

Courageous Light is an exhibit celebrating the life of Caitlin Soleil Lucas, more known as Courageous Caitie. It was launched yesterday, August 6 which was also Caitie's birthday. The event featured a photo exhibit and activities for the kids. The event also had a schedule of upcoming fundraising talks, activities and workshops for parents and kids for four succeeding Saturdays.

Aside from life size portraits of Caitie and her moments with her family, her parents also included her artworks and an array of her personal things as part of the exhibit.

I also had the chance to meet Caitie's parents, Tin and Jay jay Lucas yesterday as well as Caitie's brother Ethan.

Few months ago, when Caitie's story made a buzz on news and social media, I silently wished that should I be given the chance to meet her mother, I would like to give her a hug. That came to happen yesterday when I met Tin and Jay jay during the launch. During our short conversation, I came to know where Caitie inherited her courageous spirit. Her parents exemplified the same virtue. At one point, I couldn't help but ask Tin how they were able to handle it given that what they have gone through was really a difficult situation. To which she replied with three words:

Faith in Jesus.

They were indeed a father and mother after God's own heart. While what they have gone through isn't easy, they still chose to surrender to God's plan believing that it will work out for the best. Their family is a proof of that Bible verse: You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. For sure, even in heaven, Caitie is proud having them as her parents during her short but meaningful stay on earth.

Courageous Light photo exhibit will run from August 6-12 at the Activity Center of Gateway Mall and at Gateway Gallery (5th Floor) from August 13- September 3

Last week I had to go through a difficult moment. I won't go into details anymore but all I can say is that it was a week where I was put to an ultimate test -- physically, mentally and emotionally. I would come home tired and silent. I just wanted to either cry out all the stress and just sleep my heart and head out for the rest of the week thinking it'll help. I realized that stress is a sure fire way to aggravate asthma because that was literally what I got (but at least just for a day).

In the midst of these things happening came a text message on Tuesday night. However, I was too knocked out from the medicines I was taking so I read the text the following day and I had to defer a reply. But come Wednesday afternoon, just when my stress levels hit its peak, I got another text message. This:

If you don't want to be tagged like this,
please, please reply to text messages. :-)

Nung mabasa ko yan, hindi ko alam kung matutuwa pa ba ako or gugustuhin kong ihagis ang cellphone ko dahil dumating ang text na ito sa hindi tamang timing. But I had to let out the negative emotions first so I opted not to answer. And as soon as I felt that those undesirable emotions have subsided, at alam kong medyo okay na ako, that was the only time I decided to text a reply. Yes, my replies might sound nang-aasar or filled with hugot but I wanted to do it that way-- a bit laidback and a bit funny. Apparently, the person seemed to have been waiting for my reply since the first message was sent on Tuesday night.

Pero ang totoo, bukod sa gusto ko ng katahimikan at panatag na isip that time, the reason I delayed giving a response was I just wanted to spare the person from my "sungit" tendencies. being sick and going through stress, alam ko na may possibility that I might just obliterate and show my worst side. Ayoko siyang masungitan o matarayan because the person doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. They say if you cannot be kind, be quiet. I know during those moments, I could not be kind so I chose to be quiet instead and let the negative emotion pass before I said a word.

Kasi, kung nagkataon na sumagot ako sa kanya nang mga panahong mataas ang negative emotions ko, I might have said a lot of wrong, hurtful and unnecessary words. Words that I could not take back. Kung nagkataon, yung words na yun could cause me irreversible regret. Those words could cause the person to be hurt. And hurting that person is something I did not want to do. Ayoko nga siyang nasasaktan ng iba, mas lalong ayoko na ako ang maging dahilan para masaktan siya.

And as I write this, I can't help but get a bit teary eyed. I never thought such ugly moment would teach me a beautiful lesson. This is one of those rare moments I realized that I unconsciously did something right. Oo, nakagawa ako ng isang tama at magandang desisyon nang dahil sa taong ito -- at dahil ayokong masaktan siya. Parang nakakapanibago pero ang hindi ko agad napansin ay binabago rin ako (sa magandang paraan, ugali at pananaw) ng taong ito.

:-)

Because I was feeling under the weather last Sunday, I opted to do just three things: First is to stay home (which meant I have to miss attending the Mass. I wanted to but I couldn't risk getting sick and unable to go to work the next day), Second was to write about my second solo trip for my personal project and lastly, I did a DIY project.

It's not really a complicated project. I decided to do some weekend clean up of my office desk before I went home last Friday for the weekend. And while a mug is usually seen in the kitchen for your morning dose of caffeine (I have a separate one for coffee), I use this for a different purpose: something to hold pens, markers and other desk supplies. Yeah, I am a paralegal-slash-human bookstore!

Yeah, I might be working as a paralegal, but I was and
still am a writer first prior to that. This is the proof.

The project was just easy-peasy. I just wanted to transform my ceramic mug from being plain, boring white to a lively one. And the trick was accomplished by using the stash of washi tapes that I have in my craft box. I bought those from an online store, Paper Blush. I've used those materials for other do it yourself projects (particularly with scrap booking) but last week was my first attempt at using it for something fragile (READ: breakable).

It was kind of a struggle the first few tries especially that I am a bit OC when it comes to the alignment (shallow, I know!) But after an hour of trial and error (I just realized afterwards that I should have bought a mug with an even cylinder shape), it was worth the struggle because the end result looked good. I just ended up getting the look that I wanted. Not to forget, the project was a good stress and boredom reliever too.

I tried locating more DIY projects using washi tapes on the internet and found a lot. I just have to select a few though and see for myself what I can produce out of those colorful things -- and it will also be posted here :-)

Follow Paper Blush on Instagram: @paperblushph

You can also check out available designs and other products on their website: www.paperblushph.com

At the start of the year, I remember making revisions on my bucket list. Among those I wrote was to visit old churches in the country, mostly to those that I have yet to be in. I have always kept an eye wandering in the old churches in Manila. But upon research, there were actually five old parishes from where I live. So it got me thinking, why not begin at where I am instead.

It took a while for me to plan where to start this year's personal endeavor which I called The OC (as in One Church) Project. I am just available for non-work-related activities during weekends, and most of those weekends, I preferred staying at home because of the unfriendly summer weather lately. But last week, I finally found the free time to do it so armed with my backpack, sunscreen and my phone, I followed my "sneaker's instincts" and went off church hunting.

Given the proximity, Taytay Rizal became my first order of business. St. John the Baptist Church is situated just a few meters away from Taytay's old municipal hall. The church may have been renovated but it still is considered an old church given that it was founded in 1579 and the structure itself was completed in 1630. Interestingly, hundreds of years prior to being named saint, St. Pedro Calungsod became an altar boy in this church in 1666.

Another thing that made me choose to visit this church for my personal project was because this place holds a fond memory to me and our family. My parents got married in this church 32 years ago. The photo above is how the altar looks at present -- very much different to how it was when they exchanged their I Do's in 1984. Call it a funny coincidence but on the day and time that I arrived in the church, a wedding ceremony was about to start so by a stroke of luck, I was able to witness the whole ceremony.

And by paying this place a visit, on a personal note, it made me realize how I was able to conquer a particular fear which I've had for the longest time -- that of seeing weddings. Yeah, I know it sounds absurd but I had my own share of such phobia. Not that I hate seeing weddings, I just tend to cringe and couldn't stand seeing one for a reason I didn't know. While I was only after fulfilling a thing on my wishlist and visiting a place relevant to my parents' love story, I got to face a certain fear and win over it unknowingly.

It felt good that I was able to accomplish such an endeavor. It was so refreshing to have paid this place a visit and given that I was able to accomplish one church last week, I am happy to say I am looking forward to the next one (still in Rizal) which I hope to do in the coming weeks and yes, I will post it on this blog :-)

St. John the Baptist Church
Sumulong St. Bgy Dolores
Taytay, Rizal

It isn't election day yet. But in a number of times I have participated with this event, activities, voting and all, this must be the most critical and most difficult one at the same time.

Despite seeing those posts left and right on social media, I decided to stay quiet with who to vouch. And my decision to keep quiet were because of a lot of things: I opted not to say a word because I've had seen and read most of those posts that contained mostly nothing but trash talk. I admit I've had enough of those after seeing it for weeks. I have heard how a number of friendships were severed just because they have different ideologies as to the candidate they are supporting.

But most of all, I am seriously dead tired of reading those rants and bickering sessions every single freaking day. Come to think of it, whether we like it or not, come June 30, someone is still going to swear on the Bible ending it with the words "so help me God".

Lesson 1: Binoto mo man siya o hindi, wala kang magagawa. Meron at meron tayong magiging presidente. Sa ayaw mo man sa kanya o sa gusto. Pero isipin mo rin na ang pagpili ng tamang kandidato parang pag-ibig din yan: nararamdaman at hindi nabibili!

This election, it's going to be the first time that my family won't have that "solid vote." Unlike the previous ones when we tend to agree on supporting one candidate, this year's not the case. Yes, they kept telling me to just follow suit and vote the one they want but I don't give any word because of two reasons: I don't want to engage in too lengthy talks (that I have always read on social media); and I was being silent out of respect.

Lesson 2: Respect for one's choices is the main sign of love -- oo, kahit pa ang ibig sabihin noOn ay ang pagkakaiba ng pananaw nyo sa iboboto nyong presidente.

Another thing I realized during this whole period was that those "election struggles" are real. I tend to get those flashbacks of a particular day as I write this part. I won't go into specifics. But while the situation for me was something I consider to be a tough one I've dealt with, it made me realize my worth and what I could do. That just when you think you're doing things wrong, someone's got to tell you you are doing something right -- even for once.

Lesson 3: Politics is never easy. And once in a while someone will need someone like you to rely upon. Bear in mind that you are doing the right thing when you stand firm for someone and for the things and principles that you believe in.

On the other hand, I never thought this whole thing would allow me to realize that certain situations would show me that I am not just working "in aid of legislation" but I am also living to advocate truth. That despite being really worried and scared for someone's safety, security and reputation, (and this is the first time that it seriously happened to me), you should still balance things and choose to be on the side of what is truthful, just and right.

Lesson 4: A lot of things may go wrong but there will always be one that's going to be right. Sometimes, in the midst of your choice to be silent in the face of an adversity, the majority is ready to fight on your behalf -- because they know the truth will have to and should always prevail.

Two days. That is all that we've got before we elect a new head of state. Yes, this election is certainly different -- scary even. I cannot say that while I have some apprehensions, I am not part of the silent majority either. I still reserve the name of who I am voting for and I know most of us have our own fears and reservations about who could end up winning but maybe, we just need to do one thing (taking it from Sarah Geronimo's character, Laida in A Very Special Love (oo, idinamay ko na sya):

Lesson 5: Maniwala na lang tayo sa goodness.

Yes. I think we won't go wrong with that -- for we were born with such trait after all.

The last time I ventured in poetry was more than a decade ago. Prior to becoming The Petroglyphs' editor-in-chief, the first position I held in the organization was as literary editor in my freshman year. I continued venturing into that form of literature long until after graduation. I was able to write about a hundred. However, some things came thereafter that prompted me to write less frequently -- from having to go job hunting, dealing with a harsh relationship breakup, and eventually becoming busy with a full-time job with different schedules, I became occupied that I've forgotten poems altogether.

Not to mention that I had developed the morbid belief that poets tend to become suicidal later on in their lives (think Plath and Sexton among others) I realized I did not want to go through that. I completely parked my poetic pen for good.

I've never been familiar with spoken poetry (or like how a couple of office mates refer to it as oral poetry) even then either. Though my interest got piqued a little after watching Juan Miguel Severo in one of the episodes of On the Wings of Love. Soon after, I saw one Youtube video of him performing his piece Ang Huling Tula na Isusulat ko Para Sayo (which was a chest-wrenching performance I have to say). In a way, he is one young man who is still has high regard to the traditional art form, for developing a love for an old craft in this modern time.

When his book Habang Wala Pa Sila was released in bookstores about a month or so ago, I initially had hesitations to buy it. But after not so much thought, I decided to get a copy just for the sake of literary curiosity and because I was in search of something new to read and for my mind to devour on. It's a compilation of his pieces about love. I am now halfway through the book; and reading his works made me feel nostalgic in some way. It brought the feels. Of the years when I too, was doing the same.

In my current single state, his book gave me the feelings: of how to fall in love again and the pains of being heartbroken (minus the heart breaker). Reading his book allows one to feel the kilig, the joy, the pain and sometimes, just letting the tears fall reading the poem about trying to let go.

And despite reading the book, the prodding of colleagues and of my mom to go back and write again, I still don't have plans to go back but who knows, maybe, when creative juices strike enough for me to pour them all out, I would just find myself releasing and driving that pen again.

MABUHAY!

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