Pulbusin mo anay ang kulungang kahon. Palayain ako sa aking kahapon.
-Pinaglumaan, Allan Popa-
Those lines from an old poem was echoing in my head as I spent my birthday night doing something radical. As everyone in the house retired from a tiring day and slept, I found myself taking out this thick, heavy photo album from my bookshelf and removed a few pages worth of photos.
The next thing I knew, I was slumped on the floor tearing and shredding the photographs from the first four pages with my bare fingers. I tore them into pieces to the last photo until my fingertips hurt.
Those were photos from the last five years or so. I won't deny it, my birthday is gloomy this year because next to my family's ordeal, I am also going through a rough patch of an irreparable kind.
But this time, rather than dwelling too much on it, I decided to do my part to move on. And part of it was getting rid of those photos to start getting rid of the memories. After all, I no longer see the point of keeping those photographs anymore.
And call it odd but as I tore down those photos, there was no hint of tear, anger or sadness. Unlike in previous times that such chore included tons of drama. I kept the torn photos underneath my bed and burned all of them first thing the next day.
I don't know but I guess, there's really no use with keeping those anyway. And I hope that move would do me good to move forward and start anew.
As of this writing, I just got back to work for two days after taking a vacation. I turned another year older three days ago and given that I rarely take a time off, I took my birthday as my chance to get some time to rest.
I still reported for work on All Soul's Day through it was technically a holiday. I've been used to being in the office during holidays except on four days: Christmas Day, the last day of the year, New Year's Day and Good Friday, It's been sort of a tradition in our group for a birthday celebrant to feed the constituents of our little baranggay. And here's us before having our lunch of pizza and chicken wings (which was not pictured here). We grabbed the affordable deal from S&R Pizza that day! From folks of 12, we were down to six that day as the others opted to grab the chance of having a holiday leave.
Nothing much really happened on my birthday. I did not plan anything "grand" to celebrate. Instead, it was a low-key celebration on an ordinary day. I simply stayed home the whole day and finished a book that I've intended to read. One of of the main reasons I filed for a leave aside from rest was to catch up on sleep and use the time to help Mama with the errands related to taking care of Papa and his needs. But that doesn't mean forgetting to pray and saying those words of thanks for being granted with another year. After having lunch, I traveled to Taytay, Rizal's St. John the Baptist Parish. Yes, the same church where my parents got married, to say my prayers and pay the place a long-overdue visit.Next to the gratitude for being blessed with another year, I'm just thankful that I still have Papa with us for my birthday -- even if in reality, this might possibly be the last.
The next day, I took another afternoon off to fall in line in the cinema to watch Bohemian Rhapsody which is the 11th movie for my pet project. I've been trying to fulfill my 12 Movies Project for two years. While I wasn't even born during the era where Freddie Mercury and Queen became famous, I grew up loving their songs. I enjoyed the movie likewise. I'd like to believe that I am indeed an old soul.
I returned to the office yesterday refreshed. Unplugging from daily routine even for just a couple of days can have advantages. And just when I thought the shenanigans are over, these guys from my team gave me a small belated celebration in the middle of my busy workday. It's my first time to celebrate my birthday in our new workfloor (we've been here for a month now!) and my seventh birthday in the office with these guys.And being with them somehow lightens up the load -- not just from work but even those personal matters for we treat our little baranggay as a family.
Four days of simple solitude. I did not ask for anything anymore for the traditional birthday wish. I may not have received much birthday greetings from people but I received one from those who truly mattered anyway-- and that is what's important. I guess that's how it really is when one gets old. You just crave for silence and simplicity and you know you're very much fine with that.
Moving on. That's what you do on planes. You share an armrest with someone for a few hours. You exchange stories about your life, an amusing anecdote or two, maybe even a joke. You comment on the weather and remark about the terrible food. You listen to him snore. And then you say goodbye.
There's a formula for how long it takes to get over someone, that it's half as long as the time you've been together.
-Jennifer E. Smith, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight-
