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In my previous post, I mentioned receiving an unexpected bouquet of flowers. While common birthday bouquets come in the form of either red or pink roses, the one that I got was something I consider unusual -- because those were pink gerberas. 

I won't be ashamed to admit. I haven't received flowers in ages. The last time that it happened was back when I was still in my senior year in college when I became an awardee during the Recognition ceremony of my alma mater. But contrary to the usual elated reaction, there were just two emotions that I felt when I saw the bouquet on my bed: fear and confusion.

I felt scared for a moment because it reminded me of a scene in a story I wrote for Wattpad three years back. I admit that I had goosebumps after realizing that this scene that's supposed to stay as part of a work of fiction was suddenly brought to life.

The only difference? The one in fiction had the courage to somehow reveal his identity.

In the midst of confusion, guests and family members who were present during my birthday dinner had their wild guesses. From the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me more than a decade ago, the politician that kept tagging me as his "friendly plus one" to gatherings back when I was still a paralegal, to this person that I met during the first half of the year.

I had my own "person of interest", but I wanted to put the guessing game to rest so I went to check the card that came with the flowers. But it was an attempt that gave me a negative result because not a single clue could be found in it.

I allowed a few days to pass, but last Friday, I took the courage to send a message to the store where the flowers came from. Knowing how messages can just be ignored, it was a long shot at best. But prior to hitting send, I have decided that I'll be okay regardless of the response (that is if I'll ever get one).

It only took a few minutes for the store answered my inquiry. And what I got were these words:


The flower shop even sent me a copy of the transaction slip to support their reply, and it really appears that the sender is keen to remain anonymous. Of course, for a moment, my heart sank given that even this last attempt to try to resolve something failed. I just left another message if they could pass on my words of thanks to the person who did the floral arrangement after thanking the staff for their reply. After all, the said surprise gift was indeed beautiful.

While I may have failed to get the result I wanted despite exhausting all effort, and ways that I can think of, I realized that some things are still worth a shot -- even if you are unsure of what the result would be. Never be ashamed to ask for help when you need it because the world is full of people who are willing to come to your aid -- even through strangers that you haven't met. One should not be scared to give things a try, because unless you try, ask, and act on something, the answer is always going to be "no". I learned that if you don't give in to courage, you won't be able to put those "what ifs" to rest.  For now, I am content in knowing that I've done what I could while counting on the lines said by one of the characters from the story that I wrote. 

 The answers that you need will present themselves at the right time.

And I could attest that there's truth in those words.
  

Reagan Bear stayed up late too to keep me company and welcome my birthday!

I didn't immediately realize that I am writing this proof of life post almost two months late. A lot has been happening lately on the home front and with my day-to-day whereabouts that I have been busy almost daily. But just like the candid line that I've heard a long time ago (and once told a colleague), "better late than pregnant never!"

Anyway, I am glad (and kinda proud) to say that I officially turned 40 almost two weeks ago. Lately, there still are days when I couldn't even believe that I've already reached this age. When I was just 18, I wondered if I will still be alive to see myself reach the age of 30. And just days after I finally hit the big 3-0, the next thing I thought of was how life's going to be like for me at 40.

And a decade later, I finally arrived to that part.



While 40 is a considered as a milestone to celebrate, I did mine in just a rather quiet and simple fashion. Nothing grand. In fact, despite being the celebrant, I was still running an errand a couple of hours before the celebration. There were no gifts to mark the occasion either -- well, except for that beautiful bouquet of pink gerberas that was sent by someone who prefers to remain anonymous. It was just a dinner party with my family (which was even more memorable because my late dad's last two surviving siblings, who I refer to as the Canadian Aunties, are in the country!) and the people that mattered and has been with me for years. 

In between the happy conversations, I was silently trying to recall what life brought me in my 30s to bring me to where I am now.  From beginning that era with the offer to be a guest speaker to a younger batch of graduating students, passing one of the most difficult exams in the country, pondering about life and loss, experiencing and surviving life during a global health pandemic, and taking that courageous step to give things another try, I must admit that it was a good one. It may not be all about celebrations, but the last 10 years was a good mix of struggles, triumphs, grief, lessons, and meaningful experiences. 

As I blew the candles on my birthday cake weeks ago, my friend Jonathan joked that my wish this year appears to be that significant dahil ang tagal ko daw hipan ang kandila! But to be honest, in the last three years that I celebrated my birthday, I really did not have any particular wish in mind. And maybe, it's part of the process of getting old. You learn to value peace and quiet. Be content and fine with what you have, trust the process, and just let life surprise you. Anyway, the Lord already knew the desires of my heart. After all, it has always been among the things that I've been praying for. Right now, I intend to use this new chapter to begin new adventures, collect more core memories, and hopefully, live a life of meaning and purpose.   


 

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MABUHAY!

I'm a 30-something Millennial Tita from the Art Capital of the Philippines and I express what's on my mind (may it be a good experience or otherwise) through writing. Feel free to explore the fragments of my mind which you can find in this blog.
Oh and forget the formalities. You can call me Glaiza!

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