Such is the theme of the Korean drama Go Back Couple. A story revolves between Choi Ban-do (played by Son Ho-jun) and Ma Jin-joo (played by Jang Na-ra), a married couple who, after feeling exhausted with the struggles in their married life ends up deciding to divorce each other. Tables turn when they realize that they returned to their 20 year-old identities and reunited with their college peers and the people who happen to be their “first love”. The question is will they choose to revise the life events in the past or decide to choose their life at the present and work on their marriage, embracing even the struggles associated with it.
When I found out that this drama will have a re-run on TV last month, I decided to watch it again even if I had already seen the original in Korean. I must admit that Go Back Couple somehow was a timely pick when I started with my penchant for Kdramas last year.
Honestly, I never thought this show will be such an eye opener for me. For years, despite having seen a number of colleagues walk down the aisle and even get invited to their weddings, I on the other hand evaded the idea of getting married. Blame it on experiencing a failed relationship, and going through dates with guys of the shitty kind (yes, they do exist!) but I never cared if I was the only “last (single) one standing” in a group where everyone is getting hitched or even if people around me have been openly expressing their concern for me regarding that area and its absence. For years, I’ve already stopped considering the idea of marriage due to a personal reason: Next to the fear of that I might fail to be the kind of wife I wanted myself to become, it is because I am afraid that I will not be able to emotionally survive the conflicts tied with married life. I am scared that I might be the first to call it quits and eventually, end up going through a failed marriage.
However, Go Back Couple was a show that became somewhat instrumental in enlightening me about the realities of married life because that is the main focus of the Kdrama: to show the “realness” behind those wedding vows recited during one’s wedding day. It was the words transformed into actions and day-to-day situations.
One of the major things that I realized was that misunderstandings are an inevitable component of married life. It will happen at some point. Even one’s way of expressing affection can be misunderstood because couples have different ways of expressing their “love language”. There are times that what one wants to give isn’t exactly what their other half really needs to receive. One wants to do something with the hope of making their partner laugh but the other person only wants something rather simple like physical presence and receiving a hug of comfort.
It is for this reason why communication really does play a vital role in relationships. I know it’s already been mentioned countless times but after watching the scenes from Go Back Couple, I realized, regardless of gender, when you are in a romantic relationship, no one will ever be good at mind reading. Couples are not meant to be each other’s mind readers and not even being married can transform them into one. And it is in this part that the Biblical passage “ask and you shall receive” really make sense, because unless you ask, the answer will always be "No".
It also showed the importance of reaching out to your partner. One may have overlooked it, but having those "reality checks" at the end of a long day is essential in a marriage . Conversations no matter how trivial or otherwise mean a lot. A particular scene that hit me was the one involving a grieving Ma Jin-joo being greeted by her seemingly-jolly husband. Unknown to Jin-joo, her husband was also carrying the grief of losing his mother-in-law but he just wants to hide his true emotions away from her. I guess it’s one of the reasons why “how was your day?” is a part of everyone’s language. By asking such, and having those conversations, one won’t have that feeling of being left behind to struggle alone; especially if one’s better half might be struggling emotionally but it’s something his or her partner isn’t aware of.
Go Back Couple is a show that also emphasized the importance of showing affection to the people important to us, including our parents, and never taking moments for granted. There is truth in one of the posts that I saw on Facebook a long time ago: Love the people that God gave you, because He will need them back one day. When our loved one dies and leaves us, part of ourselves tend to die with them somehow. And it leaves a void that not even time or the existence of a new person can fill.
The show ended with a heartwarming yet pleasant conclusion for the two characters (but still not without the bawling and searching for a box of Kleenex!). For me, the final thought I had in mind was that maybe, like in the case of Go Back Couple’s characters, going back (not necessarily reversing the order of things) is just a short break offered to us in order to think things out, and to enlighten us with the difference of "then" and "now". That while the past might be good, what we have now can be offering us with something better. It's just that we fail to recognize them. But in the end, it all boils down to what we will choose. Much like what Frances Mayes mentioned, life offers you a thousand chances but all you have to do is take one.
I know you're dying to ask, "So, what's your choice?" Well, I'd rather keep it to myself for now. But all I can assure you is this: Unlike Choi Ban-do and Ma Jin-joo, should I end up getting married, I won't consider throwing my wedding ring out of the window should I get into an argument with my husband. I certainly don't want to return to my 20-year old self. Simply because I don't want to be in that catastrophic period of my youth ever again.
