I postponed writing on this space for some days following the death of a well-loved former president for a lot of reasons; the past few days I've been full of stuff to do from a scheduled doctor's appointment in Manila, a visit to MMLDC for the magazine and for the meeting and schedules for an upcoming assignment from another department (which I hope will push through), accompanying mom to Makati, an unexpected bout of asthma and watching the coverage for the necrological rites for former President Cory Aquino.
Now, while I was able to watch the necrological rites, I opted to simply listen to the coverage of the funeral because of two reasons; I was chatting with my friend Paulo (who was at the office despite the non-working holiday) and two, I was having a bad bout of asthma attack that I can't bear much to cry for it could choke me to death.
As I was all ears to the ceremonies, I can't help but shed a tear hearing Kris Aquino bid her mom farewell. Indeed letting go of a loved one (especially parents) is not easy and it takes a lifetime to be fine again. As she was delivering those words, I can't help but think--about a lot of things.
For every heath setback that I face, I had the end in mind. I remember asking myself back when I was young and diagnosed with a then-unknown neurological condition, rather than asking if I'll be permanently disabled, I asked if I'm going to die. Years ago, I remember telling a former beau that if ever we'd end up together and I'd be the first to go, I told him that he should get married.
He declined my point and told me he doesn't want to choose between the inevitable and me.
And with what I have heard and Kris' parting words, it was now that I understood why he said that. I myself feel the same. Yes, I do welcome the possibility of dying young with the things that I've been going through. But then there are times too when I say I don't want to--yet. For one, I still have a thing I want to achieve. Despite that I have gotten my wish of being a published writer before 30, seeing my name in the newspaper and visiting Baguio, I, more than anything want to get married, have a husband and children.
To leave is in a way easy. But to be left behind isn't.
And if ever I'll go early it will really take a lifetime for my family maybe especially to my mom to be okay. While death is inevitable, I try to make my plans come true. I just hope God will lend me time.
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Now, while I was able to watch the necrological rites, I opted to simply listen to the coverage of the funeral because of two reasons; I was chatting with my friend Paulo (who was at the office despite the non-working holiday) and two, I was having a bad bout of asthma attack that I can't bear much to cry for it could choke me to death.
As I was all ears to the ceremonies, I can't help but shed a tear hearing Kris Aquino bid her mom farewell. Indeed letting go of a loved one (especially parents) is not easy and it takes a lifetime to be fine again. As she was delivering those words, I can't help but think--about a lot of things.
For every heath setback that I face, I had the end in mind. I remember asking myself back when I was young and diagnosed with a then-unknown neurological condition, rather than asking if I'll be permanently disabled, I asked if I'm going to die. Years ago, I remember telling a former beau that if ever we'd end up together and I'd be the first to go, I told him that he should get married.
He declined my point and told me he doesn't want to choose between the inevitable and me.
And with what I have heard and Kris' parting words, it was now that I understood why he said that. I myself feel the same. Yes, I do welcome the possibility of dying young with the things that I've been going through. But then there are times too when I say I don't want to--yet. For one, I still have a thing I want to achieve. Despite that I have gotten my wish of being a published writer before 30, seeing my name in the newspaper and visiting Baguio, I, more than anything want to get married, have a husband and children.
To leave is in a way easy. But to be left behind isn't.
And if ever I'll go early it will really take a lifetime for my family maybe especially to my mom to be okay. While death is inevitable, I try to make my plans come true. I just hope God will lend me time.
