Zone of Solitude

Besides finally seeing a rehabilitation medicine physician for symptoms that have been bothering me for a month, one of the highlights of my week was returning to my alma mater, University of Rizal System Angono to grace this year's Recognition Day. Contrary to the past two instances, my schedule this year had allowed me to accept the invitation given that I was informed two months prior to the event. Next to my week-long vacation last February, I had to extend my vacation this month for one more day as the ceremony fell to the date next to Easter Monday which was an Australian Holiday.

Time for a photo op just before the ceremonial march starts. This is me with the campus director, Dr. Hermy Estrabo (formerly from URS Morong campus) and my former History professor, Ma'am Achie Elvina who is.currently the dean of College of Arts and Letters, the department where I belonged back during my student days. A lot of things had seriously changed given that I had left the university 10 years ago. Case in point, in 2005, I was the one listening to the guest speaker and fast forward to last Tuesday, all eyes and ears are on me.

I wouldn't hide it, I had a wonderful time attending the said event. Part of me still could not believe that it has been a decade. As I was being ushered and escorted by faculty members who used to be my teachers, I was having this recollection that I used to walk through these halls as a 20-year old student back then. Where did 10 years go? It is not something in my bucket list though, but being a guest speaker, just like attending an event with someone in politics (in formal outfits) was once among my wishes. And those were accidental wishes that eventually became a reality.

I've always felt nervous with public speaking but this one unexpectedly changed that. Delivering a speech right in front of a lot of people have always been a scary task for me but when I pulled this one off during the Recognition Day, there was no fear pumping my veins at all -- which was a weird thing to me. For once, my spirit felt so serene in front of the students who were listening to my story as a student then and as a professional now. All the stress of thinking what to tell the students and how to inspire them eventually became worth it after seeing my former professors and being encouraged by my boss and my family too.

It has been days since the event but things still linger on. And the whole thing to me is new and overwhelming given that I was not used to it. I am not used to the attention as I have kept and trying to keep a low-key life. Receiving congratulatory messages from people and hearing from them how proud and inspiring I became made me feel (silently) overwhelmed at one point it made me cry.

The day before the event I remember telling a former professor, I don't know what they saw in me to choose me to be the one to speak at the event. At 30, I don't own a car, nor do I own and lead a company or have the title like Dr. or Atty. on my name. I only have a job that I treasure and community volunteer activities to devote time to. Whatever it is, I just learn to think that it was what God wanted for me. Despite my fears that I won't be able to attend and not knowing what to say, He made things to work according to His plan. While I was looking for answers if I really am successful 10 years after leaving the school, God made a way to make me realize that my life can be an inspiration too--success, trials, handicaps and all.

If schools give away loyalty awards to students during graduation rites, our office on the other hand has this so-called Palit Lanyard tradition. Each year, the company provides each employee a new one of a different color corresponding their years of service. I don't know for sure, but wearing a color-coded lanyard seemed to be a status symbol separating "newbies" from the "veterans" especially to those who had been with the company for years.

I just had a rundown of my things a few weekends ago and as of now, I have four of those lanyards in my possession. The gray one as a new hire, gold during my first year and blue for being in the company for two years. Instead of giving them away, I make sure that I keep them in a box together with my other things. I also have a separate document folder which contains all the documents issued to me by the company.

This one came as a surprise more than two weeks ago while I was on the phone with a client. We normally wait six months after our anniversary before receiving a new lanyard but mine arrived after my anniversary last March 5. I have been working for one company for three straight years thus the orange color code.

Four color codes, a couple of thousand case files, one excellence award and few scheduled vacation leaves later and here I still am. During a meeting with one of our operations officers, I was asked, "what made you decide to stay?" I don't have to seek for answers. Despite the physical pains of getting old, the fact that I can see that I am able to help people every day, I have a kind boss and I still am happy with what I am doing those are more than enough reasons for me to want to stay and stick to the job.

Now, the funny part was when a colleague inquired, "paano yan pag inabot tayo ng 10 years in service? Eh di ba seven lang ang kulay ng rainbow?" (what if we reached 10 years? The rainbow only has 7 colors?) That's a question but then, I'd rather stick to the plan for now. :-)

I am writing this entry right from my bedroom nursing another bout of allergic rhinitis that has been bothering me since Friday. I'd like to think that the change of weather combined with pollution and a few stressful days earlier during the week to be the culprits of this malady. I am already eyeing the possibility of having this health issue attended by a a specialist by the coming weekend. I have been going through occasional bouts for years but that were bearable compared to what I've been having lately, which tends to bother me even at work.

Anyway, since I chose to stay home today (just to stay safe, so I won't hopefully have to call in sick tomorrow), I decided to have a quick update as I rarely get the chance to catch up with my writing.

I finally have a copy of James Patterson's novel First Love that was given to me by a friend as a Valentine's gift. While I'm not much of a fan, I got enticed after reading one of his books, Sundays at Tiffany's in 2011. I've previously seen the large print format of this book and I found it quite expensive so I postponed buying it. But thanks to a friend for spoiling me, my craving for this literary pleasure's solved. And the gift came with a box of Kleenex, just in case reading would cause me to become all too weepy.

Another thing is this ongoing project. It was last year when I came across the idea of keeping a memory jar. It's an interesting endeavor which I tried last year but got unsuccessful given the turn of events (read: getting both all to busy and exhausted that I just want to sleep when I get home). This year, I tried a hand at it again and luckily, I am able to religiously update it.

It's a good thing to find out that if there's one thing that this little project taught me, it's learning to see the good in everything; that despite of what has happened the whole day, it's a challenge to look for something worthy to be thankful for. It's good though that not all days are the same. If a day has been exhausting, you get to look for something worth thankful. And if a day contains a lot of good things, I get to pick one that's the best, write it and keep it in the jar.

I hope to maintain the habit though. At times it scares me to think, I had gone past two months with it and there are 10 months remaining. But something to be grateful has to be present every single day and that would be more than enough to keep me going. :-)

No one's too old for a party -- not even at 30!

God's plan for my life is simple. He will take all my choices, mistakes and failures, and turn them into something good.

I turned another year older two weeks ago so this is a long overdue post. For years, I have lived my life always looking at things "in the future tense". While an is event unfolding in the present, I always have one question to constantly ask and think of: What will happen tomorrow?

Years ago, when I was just 18, I remember a time when I asked myself, "will I still be alive enough to reach the age of 30?" When my birthday came, I recalled that question only to find an answer -- I am still here. And I am here now. It felt like I succeeded defying some odds. In my 20's my life was filled with worry and anxiety, from health, career to relationships. I have a lot of those "paano na" momemnts in my youth. But the night before the big day, I tried digging stuff from inner memory and found out a lot of wonderful things among of which are:

I was blessed a stable job for two and a half years and counting -- with a kind boss and wonderful colleagues to boot.
I am able to cross out items in my bucket list one after the other.
I am still able to see quite clearly (with the help of my trusty glasses of course).
Contrary to my fear that I could be blind by the time I am 30 years old.
I have a complete family and my parents are still here to celebrate such a milestone with me.
That God allowed me to be a productive being despite having to battle health issues once in a while.

It may only be a few, but those are worthy discoveries. As I turn 30, when I try to look at how things has happened in my life, what I have now were more than what I wanted and prayed for. God indeed knows how to write a straight line from a broken one for He compensated me for the things I previously lost. As much as I'd like to use #30 on my photos or Facebook status posts, I'd rather not. For it signifies the end (those in the written profession, journalists and editors specifically would know).

But in reality, this is only the beginning of wonderful days that are ahead.