A few months ago, I came across the book How to be Fine from the Facebook page of a local bookstore. And while I find self-help books a bit daunting, I got intrigued about what I could possibly learn from the book. Such curiosity made me decide to order a copy online.
Written by Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer, How to Be Fine narrates their realizations after trying to live by the advice of 50 different self-help books that they have read. It is divided into three chapters that separates the advices that worked, what did not, and another chapter for topics they both wish that more self-help books would write about.
In the first chapter, they discussed 13 things that they both agree to be effective. I enjoyed reading this part because their views on the advices in this chapter are so on point, that I found myself nodding in agreement to what I was seeing. I liked going through the part on the importance of kindness and putting gratitude to practice, because it's a timely topic. Let's all admit that next to retaining good manners, being grateful and kind are two things that are so scarce, and yet those are what our world currently needs.
But if there's going to be a favorite takeaway from that chapter, it would be about how to provide genuine apologies. Contrary to what we always do, an apology means more than just saying "I'm sorry!". In the book, Jolenta Greenberg describes that a genuine apology is made up of four elements:
- Acknowledging the wrongdoing;
- Explaining the misguided intentions behind the act;
- Sharing remorse by communicating what one regret doing; and
- Offering a way to repair the damage that was done.
Now, self-help books tend to be tricky sometimes. The effectiveness of an advice vary from person to person; that's why there is a chapter for the suggestions that did not work. For this one, they tackled their views on subjects such as meditation, going on a diet, and even aiming to have it all-- and why it isn't applicable to everyone.
But if there's a topic from this chapter that I agree with, it's on the subject of forgiveness. In Kristen Meinzer's words, "pain and anger are natural responses to injuries -- both emotional and physical...and if something truly horrible was done, saying "it's okay" won't make it disappear."
This made me think that it is for such reasons forgiveness should not be imposed on someone. It should not be forced just because it's the "right thing to do" and that people should view forgiveness in the same way as love. It's something that's freely given, and you do it only when you're ready and not because you are pushed or pressured by others or even the society.
I must say that How to be Fine was a well-balanced book as it also included a separate chapter for topics that self-help books would (hopefully) recommend more and we should consider normalizing. The book even included the subject of making friends with our own bodies, and seeing a therapist among those important topics. At this modern time, and given the situation we are in, it's about time that we put an end to the stigma that because one is seeing a shrink, he/she is automatically tagged as mentally ill -- because that is not always the case. And with the current state of our living conditions, isn't it just appropriate that we prioritize our mental well-being?
While self-help books aren't really a fool-proof way to resolve a number of our problems, having read How to be Fine somewhat enlightened me on a number of things. I realized that there's no harm in reading books in such genre once in a while; because at a certain point, it can provide you with an unexpected but valuable piece of advice that can be helpful in navigating through day-to-day life
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