Tuesday night and I am again putting on my sentiments here (or maybe like one superior, Teacher Arthur puts it, writing some "sucky" words). I just wanted to let out all the stress for the past few days has been really draining--from exams to household chores. Since Friday night I have been doing the role of a mother and household manager together with my other obligations as a teacher, writer, blogger and editor.

And I found out, doing the duties of a mother slash household manager is one draining task. But I understand that I really need to go through it; being a woman and with the plans of marrying in the future, it's one essential macro skill.

Now, I have a lot of things to be happy about. Among them:

1. The first issue of Highlights for this year is out (finally!).

Yesterday, I, with other co-teachers took the exam. It's like returning to the old school setting really. But I almost got into another episode of anxiety attack after being notified of the speech for the speaking exam. Having no time to waste and prepare, I simply deliberated on the subject of marriage. Funny but I and Teacher Grace have contradictory statements.

I simply wanted to share my view and the way how I see marriage. Yes, I could be that serious really, but I have my sacred view when it speaks of that holy sacrament (being a Catholic, matrimony is one of the sacraments I do respect). Funny but years ago, I am a huge marriage skeptic (to the point that I never go to weddings and hate seeing wedding ceremonies) so how come I came to this "probably moving" entry.

This post first appeared in my other blog, Fishball Perceptions with the title Why the Proposal Thing Makes Me Cry and to have that sneak peak of the speech I delivered yesterday, read on the next few lines:

I don’t want to hide in hypocrisy. I admit that in every episode and in every tear that I shed for each unique proposal that I see, I have this secret hope for that day—when one would seriously ask me that question too. I also hoped that he would ask me that. But that does not mean nagmamadali ako. Don’t get me wrong. I’m dying to hear that not because I’m rushing to get married—I’m dying to hear that because I want to seriously spend my life and my days with someone.

It's not just being wed for a day but being with someone in a blessed union forever. To me marriage and getting married is not about the usual connotation—FOR SEX TO BE DONE IN WHAT THEY SAY IS LEGAL. For me, it’s about spending my life with a person I wanted to grow old with; sleeping and waking up next to someone I know will be there for me to have and hold during life’s good and bad times. Making babies and parenthood of course includes the menu.

Some may say that as I watch "I Propose", I’m just adding salt to my still fresh wound—but then it keeps my hopes and dreams alive. I believe in the sacredness of the bond of marriage—seeing it through my parents. And I hope that in the near future, it's going to happen to me too. I don’t need a too pricey diamond solitaire engagement ring to signify commitment for I prefer a rather simpler kind. I could even go without it. What matters to me is living the sacred promise.

I simply want to express my opinion for it could probably save someone else's bleary concept about marriage. Yes, I am currently unattached, running and striving through daily bouts of the stresses of life but then, my sincere, solemn conviction remains. Like what I said, I might be walking funny like a penguin due to my disability but then I still have serious thoughts on stuff like this. And with this belief is the prayer that God will give me back the guy that I knew I really wanted to spend my life with.

Quoting Frances Amper-Sales' husband Vince, I end this entry with these meaningful lines:

Perhaps, the greatest measure of love is not in ending up with someone who fate decreed was yours but choosing someone simply because you both want to make it work.